Jump to content
BPAL Madness!

Blogs

Featured Entries

  • Silvertree

    Mod post: No wishlist posts in blogs

    By Silvertree

    Please be aware that we do not permit swap-related content on profiles or in blogs. Please post this content only in the For Sale, Swaps, and Wanted forums, or in the Wishlists topic. ~from Swapping 101  Thanks!
    • 5 comments
    • 4,242 views
Review Round-up!
 

Ultraviolet

In the imp: Minty Mint and sweet violets...   On wet: Oooh...herbalicious! What a lovely blast of minty eucalyptus freshness! It's great, and slightly tempered with an underlying sweetness - not overpowering at all.   Drydown: Mmm...mint - it's almost vanillic, thanks to the violets. This has totally softened, sweetened, and deepened into such a pretty scent - and it's weird, but I'm almost getting a whiff of something...coconutty? Whatever it is, it smells *fantastic*! The eucalyptus is still lingering by way of a slightly dusty herbal edge - it's pleasant, almost tea-like - that I can pick up on if I really sniff around for it. I can't detect any neroli.   Overall: I really like violets, and I quite like mint, too - combined, however, I thought they'd smell quite...icky. This blend - which ends up incredibly soft and delicate - has *totally* surprised me! It started off as cool and bracing, then mellowed into this almost creamy sweetness that is just SO gorgeous - I can't stop sniffing myself. I'm reminded of a lighter, cleaner version of Snow-Flakes - Snow-Flakes falling on pale, pale violets. This is a wonderful scent, and one I'd consider upgrading to a bottle! 4.5/5
furygrrl

furygrrl

0
Review Round-up!
 

Delousing Powder

I likewise got this as a frimp from the lovely shelldoo!   In the imp: almost identical to my much beloved Bunny Musk - sweet, clean, and slightly powdery.   On Wet: Mmmm...so delicious - like I've dabbed my wrist with liquid candy. Again, incredibly similar to EBM (the same base, I think), but with an extra dash of powderiness. I'm not detecting anything overtly lemony, but there is a light citrus vibe going on.   Drydown: Still clean, sweet, and pleasantly powdery. There's a hint of that same light spice that I get from EBM. This lasts for ages, too, and the throw is perfect - just enough for me to catch a whiff every once and a while, reminding me of how fantastic I smell.   Overall: I'm a huge Bunny Musk fan, so I'm not surprised by how much I'm enjoying this scent. It's fresh and feminine, sweet and sunny - it's absolutely lovely. I think I prefer my gorgeous bunny blend more, but only by a...hare? (Hardy-Har-Har!!! ) An easy 4.5/5.
furygrrl

furygrrl

0
Thoughts from Yuggoth
 

Death Adder on its way!

The left hand of God, or shelldoo as everyone else knows her, responded to my ISO! A bottle of the Adder will be winging its way to me tomorrow. I'm very excited about this one actually.   I didn't like Snake Oil when I first tried it, because it was just so bland on me. It was slightly sour vanilla, not unpleasant, but very bland, and too strong - I got a headache from sniffing my wrist too hard! (But then I get scent headaches very easily.)   Lately, after finding that I actually quite like vanilla (helloooo, Dorian!), I have considered giving the Snake another try. However, I'm (obviously) not willing to make a Lab order for one Imp, and I don't want to buy a bottle, have to wait a month, pay $13 shipping and find it doesn't work. Same logic for the Swaps forum, I know how awkward it can get when people only buy single Imps! I also forgot to add an Imp of SO to my 13 order. D'oh...   My solution? After trying and (mostly) liking Saw-Scaled Viper, I started investigating the Snake Pit more closely. You know how when you first get into BPAL and have tried your first few scents you go through the catalogue and think "That will never work on me"? I did that with the Snake Pit at first. I thought that since SO was bland, any scent based on it would too. Thankfully, I got SSV as a frimp in a swap because it was late (aww!), and found a new love for the vanilla of SO! So I looked through the Pit and checked out the notes. I'm terrified of florals as 99% of floral blends turn to rank old-lady-soap on me, but the one that got my attention was Death Adder: Snake Oil with vetiver, black coconut, vanilla, and opoponax.   The key attention-grabbing note there was opopanax. I LOVE opopanax. Before I got into BPAL I wore Dior Poison, in which the base note was opopanar, and my favourite BPAL ever is Geek, which has opopanax listed as a main note. I love the sultry, sexy, musky smell of it, and it smells faaaaaaabulous on moi! The fact that the Adder has vanilla and coconut only (literally) sweetened the deal. I was a little worried about the vetiver, which is a rather finicky note on me; it can be lovely and tangily refreshing, or it can smell like fag ash, but then it occurred to me that without it, the blend would be so sweet that even I wouldn't be able to wear it. And I have a sweet tooth the size of China.   I really hope that after all that I like it!
Jenesis

Jenesis

0
alicia_stardust's blog
 

Stardust

From Neil Gaiman's blog on 7/15/07:   "I just realized this morning that the weekend Stardust opens is also the weekend of the Perseids meteor shower, one of the most active times for "shooting stars" of the year; so it wouldn't be unheard of at all for people to see the movie, walk out of the theater, and actually see a shooting star themselves."   That. Kicks. Ass.   There's a reason I've called myself Stardust for over seven years, and one of my most memorable experiences in the past decade was the major Perseid meteor shower I saw at Mt. Hood in... 2002?   To top it off, one of these days I'll get my BPAL Stardust scents! I feel like I'm floating, happily...
alicia_stardust

alicia_stardust

0
Thoughts from Yuggoth
 

Anybody want Saw-Scaled Viper?

As I said in my Sale Post, I'm selling off one of my bottles of Saw-Scaled Viper. I do love it, but the first ten minutes of wearing it is almost unbearable - my sinuses practically turn inside out. So while I love the drydown and dry stages (and the vanilla underneath at the end), I won't be wearing it enough to warrant having two bottles. So I'm selling one of them.   The deal? You can decide which one I sell! I have a full one, brand new from the Lab two weeks ago, which I haven't even opened, and I have my older one which is full to just above the label. See my Sale thread for prices so I don't seem like I'm trying to sell outside the Swaps forum (this is an FYI post!). The older one is cheaper, but the new one is obviously fuller and unused, and thus a little higher in price. I personally don't mind which one I sell, as there is no difference in smell that I can detect.   Take your pick, ladies!
Jenesis

Jenesis

0
Civilized Habits of Migratory Eurotrash
 

Habit #1: Planning Ahead (Perhaps Too Far Ahead)

I always knew I was going to be an English major. My mother was an English teacher, my sister is as tweedy as it comes and is thinking of going into Library Science. I was two grades ahead in English in high school. This past semester, however I took a class called Concept Design and Storyboarding just because it sounded cool. With that and two literature courses on my plate (not to mention a hellish semester of Russian) I thought I was grooming myself to be another tweed-wearing professor with a penchant for quoting T.S. Eliot and Belle and Sebastian lyrics interchangeably. Little did I know that I would be willingly spending anywhere from 7 to 43 hours on every single assignment for Concept Design and pretending to finish every book I had to read for both English classes.   Last semester really did change my life. It sounds stupid when I say it, but it's true. It was my dream the past two years to go to Reed College in Portland, Oregon. My sister goes there, I've visited a few times, and all in all, it's an amazing school with wacky traditions and a good amount of infamy and prestige. I wanted to get in more than almost anything.   But then I started really excelling in Concept Design and Storyboarding. I've always loved to draw and stuff, but I've never gotten along with an art teacher. This was different. This was digital, marketable art-doing. I was really happy when doing homework and it was an excuse not to do my reading for my lit classes.   I didn't fall behind in anything (except Russian, but that didn't really count because the grades weren't based on numbers or any solid evidence), but it was an amazing transformation. Suddenly it was like "Oh wow. I like doing this. And I'm damn good at it! AND I can make a living doing it! Woot! I've found my calling!" Then I found out I had the highest grade in the class, and that just solidified my decision to go into art instead of English.   Then my Concept Design prof practically shoved an application to an animation program into my hands. He gave me all sorts of compliments and so, as of tomorrow, I shall be on my way to becoming an animator.   There's going to be several guest animators from Pixar and Disney at the program, but also a representative from Laika Entertainment in Portland who are currently working on the film version of Coraline. Which, I'm sure we'll all agree, is totally amazing.   Everyone in the program will also going to be visit Pixar Studios for an entire day. Before I saw the film, I thought that we'd be seeing some behind-the-scenes stuff for Ratatouille (which we probably will anyway), but now I hope that we get to check out the pre-production process for Wall-E.   As it is, I probably will get to be led around by (and maybe meet personally) the 3D animators, but I won't be working with any of them in the crash courses or anything. But as I am doing 2D I'll most definitely get to meet Chuck Harvey (as in, the Little Mermaid, Fox and the Hound and the Rescuers). Knowing me, I'll plan a speech and everything and end up shouting stupidly, "YOU DRAW GOOD." So embarrassing.   The entire process will be a little bit more awkward than I anticipated because one of my good friends isn't able to go. So I will be alone. Sniffle. Actually, I am distant acquaintances with a couple people who are going to be there and I'll have a roommate, so I'll have to interact with others at least a little bit. And I'll know one of the teachers from CSU Chico. Hell, what am I saying? It'll be totally awesome!   I plan to knock the socks off of several people in high-paying and powerful positions. Yes. That is a good goal for this summer. I know how to be charming and polite, I'll subconsciously dazzle everyone by smelling amazing (my new addiction: BPAL perfumes), I'll show everyone how civilized I am by writing and receiving letters while I'm there and I won't skive off work to finish the seventh Harry Potter book!   ...Okay, maybe the last one is asking a bit too much.   To ensure these things, I shall repeat a few simple rules to myself every day: Do not embarrass yourself too badly. Do not reveal your narcissism to anyone. Really. Do not insult anyone without first knowing their salary and station.   Okay, that sounds good. Wish me luck!
underline2

underline2

0
What ever happened to Generation X?
 

My birth story

So, my third child has arrived. We named her Lillian Charlotte, but we are calling her Lily for short. She was born at 1:47 a.m. Sunday, July 8. She weighed 7 lbs 11 oz and was 21 and 1/2 inches long. She has blue eyes and dark hair.   The labor and delivery were pretty harrowing. It all started when I went to the doctor on Friday afternoon (July 6) for a routine non-stress test (this involves reclining on an exam table for about a half hour while hooked up to a monitor that measures uterine contractions and the baby's heartbeat). The doctor didn't like what she saw -- a few decelerations of the heartrate -- and told me to go next door to the hospital as she wanted to start induction immediately, I was sort of freaked, to say the least -- hadn't planned on anything happening until Tuesday, July 10, when my induction was originally scheduled (I didn't even have a bag packed!). We had to scramble to find someone to care for Clarissa and Ethan (ages 5 and 4) over the weekend.   So I went to L&D. They started trying to induce me on Friday afternoon with cervidil (a gel that's supposed to soften and dilate the cervix), because I was only 1 cm dilated and not effaced at all. I didn't get any sleep all night because I was hooked up to so much stuff, including a blood pressure cuff that went off every half hour. They started Pitocin Saturday morning. By Saturday evening it still hadn't "taken" and I hadn't progressed at all. The baby's heartbeat kept dropping so I had the specter of emergency C-section hanging over my head the entire time. It was mega-stressful, and my mood was really low because I was having the kind of birth I didn't want -- one filled with medical interventions. There didn't seem to be anything I could do to prevent this, though. I hadn't anticipated this problem with the baby's heartbeat.   I didn't go into active labor until about 7 p.m. Saturday, when the doctor stopped the Pitocin then restarted it with a new dosage, and she was able to break my bag of waters. Contractions then came on hard and heavy. Got the epidural two hours later. Had to stay in bed the whole time, on oxygen, two separate IVs (one in each arm), internal and external monitors, Foley catheter, etc., lying on my right side because of the heartbeat decelerations. At one point baby's heartbeat dropped so much they had to call the resident to give me an "amniotic infusion" to float the cord a little, because they suspected a cord issue. Then of course the problem was that baby's heartrate went down with each contraction, and that was scary too. The moment when I was finally complete and able to push was such relief, I can't even tell you. The epidural only took on one side but I didn't care -- I pushed her out in about 15 minutes. Turns out she had a HUGE knot in her cord and the cord was wrapped around her neck twice -- that was what was causing the heartrate to drop. The doctor said she'd never seen a cord that long.   They put her on my chest and didn't tell me what she was -- I turned her over myself to see, and was really surprised. "Oh, you're a girl!" Her face was a bit purple from having the cord around her neck, but she pinked up quickly and started crying. I was so happy to see her, and so relieved that we had both made it safely through the birth. I got to hold her for a while, then they took her to the nursery for observation for a few hours (they had to see how her blood sugars were, because of my diabetes). I was transferred to a room -- had to share a room the first night, because the hospital was so crowded, and that sucked because the other people would not turn off their lights or TV so I couldn't get any rest. Later Sunday I did get my own room and that was nice and peaceful.   The earliest I was allowed to go home was Monday night, and I jumped at the opportunity, because I was tired of being in the hospital and I missed Clarissa and Ethan. We got home around 9 p.m. Monday and it seems like I still haven't slept, even though Lily so far is not a difficult baby. She eats and sleeps a lot and isn't very fussy. She kind of has her days and nights mixed up, though, but that's typical for a newborn. We took her for her first doctor appointment this week and she is healthy although a bit jaundiced. My milk came in and my boobs are now Dolly Parton-esque. Lily is a good eater so far and latches on like a champ.   Drop me a PM if you'd like a link to some photos. They are mostly of the labor and birth, although there's nothing bloody or gory. Thanks for reading!
parrot_suspect

parrot_suspect

4
elbow's scentblog
 

Catching Up and Taking Off

I'm about to go live on a boat until December, so my scentblog will be on hiatus until then. I'll miss the forums, and the internet in general, but I'll be working so hard and having so much fun that it probably won't get me down much. Besides, spending your days in the wind and your nights in a metal-hulled hold with a bunch of unwashed sailors has a way of (temporarily) dulling your sense of smell -- which is probably a good thing, in balance.   So here's one final catchall summary of the oils I've tried lately:   When I put it on, Wrath smells just like plumeria (a favorite flower to make leis with in Hawai`i). Then it gets kind of sweetly musky-spicy, in a badass kind of way. It has good throw and good staying power -- lasted all day and all night, and was still very recognizably present the next morning. If I were to guess the notes, I would have said plumeria and musk, but it only lists dragon's blood and spices (clove, cinnamon, pepper). If that's dragon's blood, I may have to reconsider my prohibition of it, because, yum.   I thought Vice was supposed to be really chocolate-y, but on me that note faded into the background behind orange blossom and cherry. It was mildly sweet and not overwhelmingly foody.   Melpomene smells like cheap perfumed soap, then fabric softener. No thank you.   Kurukulla is sweetly rosy at first, then becomes something richer (but still rosy). I get a mysterious incensey note off of it, like in a Tibetan gift shop or something. This one could become a fave. I really thought I didn't like rose-scented stuff before I tried BPAL. Now I know I just don't like cheap rose-scented stuff.   Osun smelled fairly stanky in the vial, but after it settled into my arm, it was pleasant and honey-sweet.   Aizen-Myoo smelled like extremely bitter citrus for quite a while, but then that cleared up and left behind a clean smell which was nice at first, but then became too strong and fabric-softener-y. I wouldn't wear it again.   I loved the idea of Depraved, but apricot turns out not to be a good note for me. At all. This helps to explain why Siren and I didn't get along, doesn't it?   I thought Port-au-Prince was all right, but I forgot to write down why.   Coyote remains a favorite. It's subtly elegant, and works for both formal and casual occasions.   I do like Yew Trees. It's very green and sappy at first, and then it gets sweeter and vaguely coconutty -- reminds me of a shampoo I used to really like.   Aglaea continues to be magical. I never expected this one to be a fave, so I'm delighted.   I liked Crow Moon less last time I tried it. It was really hot that day, so the snow melted and the flowers bloomed right away, and it's the snow-and-cedars part that I like. The flowers make me sneezy. Boo to that.   Veil somehow really does smell veiled. One smell behind another, but both are visible -- er, smellable. It's nice, though perhaps a little too floral for my taste.   Yggdrasil was so-so. I'm disappointed that most of the tree scents I've tried aren't all that great on me (Hamadryad wasn't so hot either), because I really do love trees. Maybe I just wasn't meant to smell like one.   All right, that's all I've got. I'll see you in December.
elbow

elbow

0
Thoughts from Yuggoth
 

Friday 13th Update

I'll be honest, when I got up this morning and realised it's Friday the 13th, my first thought was "Oh no! I'm seeing Jon today! I hope we don't have bad luck!"   Yep, I completely forgot about the Lab's 13 formulations! Thankfully it came as a nice surprise, therefore, when I got home and saw the update. And what an update!   A base of cocoa absolute and white chocolate with thirteen baneful and beneficial bits including vanilla bean, white ginger, orchid, golden peach, massoia bark, clove, honey, and starfruit.   Chocolate... AND vanilla? AND peach? AND ginger? AND bark? BPAL, you read my mind Holy shamoly this sounds good! Chocolate I love, peach is my favourite note ever, and vanilla and ginger run a close second. I also love woods so hopefully the bark will give me that. The only thing that slightly concerns me is the orchid, but as Beth said the chocolate is a strong note I'm not too worried about it.   Yep, it is ordered! Along with a bottle of Eat Me which I've been planning to order for ages. I can only afford two bottles plus shipping at the moment, so it might as well be these two!   *Sends strength and speed thoughts to Labbies, the USPS and Royal Mail for the coming month*
Jenesis

Jenesis

0
Sourball Ho!
 

13 update

13 has been reformulated yet again; by my count this is version #4:   A base of cocoa absolute and white chocolate with thirteen baneful and beneficial bits including vanilla bean, white ginger, orchid, golden peach, massoia bark, clove, honey, and starfruit.   I see vanilla bean and honey and my eyes roll back in my head, all ...must order... but Beth made a comment that this version is very chocolate-heavy, so I think I'll pass. I have the October 2006 version (which I'm wearing today, natch!) and I'm really enjoying it. It's a little bit less foody and more sophisticated than the original, which I tried and ended up swapping away. I'll wait for the next update!
dawndie

dawndie

0
Diplomatka
 

Snegurochka is born!

How Snegurochka might look at two months I just found out that the pregnant cat across from my office gave birth this morning. My little Snegurochka was one of the four.   Now I am not really sure what to do. When is the right time to take a kitten away from its mother? Four weeks? Eight weeks? Can I make her food myself or should I buy the hella expensive cat food they import?   So many questions. I have never had a brand new cat before!
Confection

Confection

2
Diplomatka
 

Afghanistan Hangover

Whenever I read a story like this, I feel like I have been kicked in the chest.   I have been out of Afghanistan now for over four months. Still, I can't tear myself away from the stories--stories so fucking bewildering they make me want to cry. Why would anyone gun down schoolgirls?   I think about the time I went to a school opening in the same province where these two little girls were killed. My organization had built a primary school for boys and one for girls and a few colleagues and I were invited for the ceremony. Dozens of little girls lined the walk as we approached the school--handing us flowers, singing and shaking our hands. They were all wearing the traditional green headscarves and maroon dresses with gold trim. After we toured the new school, one of the girls read a poem she had written and the teachers provided us with sugar coated almonds, raisins and green tea even though it was Ramadan and all of the Muslims were fasting--not eating or drinking until sundown.   Two months later, a rocket hit the school at night. No one was hurt and there was minimal damage, but it was a warning.   I guess things are getting worse.   Stories like this also remind me of the Afghans who really meant a lot to me--the civil engineer I worked with who broke down crying when he heard I was leaving for Ethiopia and told me, "I have three daughters. The youngest, she is like you. I always encourage her to be like you." The Afghans who called when the riots happened to make sure I was OK, the friends who offered to take us into hiding. I also think about Sharif, a driver at my work. Sharif did not speak English, but taking me and my husband home one day my husband noticed a Zemfira tape in his car.   "Ti gavareesh pa-ruskii?" ("you speak Russian?"), my husband asked, using the informal "you" which always pisses me off. "Da", he replied--a friendship was born.   Sharif went to university in Leningrad and finished his degree in history in 1987--two years before the Soviets were run out of Afghanistan by the Mujahadeen. He had five daughters, a real misfortune for an Afghan father. Since I was the only expatriate Sharif could communicate with (the only one who spoke Russian), he often asked me what was going on within the organization--the hirings, firings and other gossip and he told me what was going on in Afghanistan--the corrupt police, the bombings, the rumors.   Before my husband and I left Afghanistan for good Sharif invited us over to his house for dinner. He lived in the "unplanned" area of the city where people squatted on public land in mud houses. He lived on the side of TV hill, on the third floor of a lopsided building with no running water and no sewer (wastewater ran down a trench in the center of the dirt road). We met all of his beautiful daughters, including the smallest, Arazu, who was five. Sitting there drinking tea with Sharif and his family, I could tell how much he loved his daughters.   They brought out dozens of dishes from their small kitchen in a genuine display of hospitality. After dinner, Sharif's daughters presented me with some jewlery they had made for me and Sharif brought out his photos.   The pictures broke my heart. Here was Sharif--twenty years ago with more hair--in Sochi, with his college friends (big Soviet women lounging in bikinis in the background, obviously scandalous for an Afghan). Here was Sharif in Red Square, in front of Lenin's tomb, in his obshezhetye (dorm) with his friends from Pakistan, China and Kenya. Here was Sharif, so full of hope, thinking that the world was ahead of him with no idea what was going to happen a few years down the road.   Now he is a driver earning $125 a month and supporting his wife and five girls.   When I hear terrible things about Afghanistan, I think about people like Sharif. I think about people who just want to raise their children and celebrate their weddings, to play with their grandchildren and sit around with friends and drink tea. I think about how the bombings have killed the family members of friends. I think about the little girls who sang songs for the foreigners when they got their new school. I think about Sharif sitting in the window of his small, two-room house, holding his little Arazu.
Confection

Confection

0
Korshka's BPAL Ramblings
 

Squeeful Post!

First off - New season of Eureka started tonight! Yay! I've so missed that show. Unfortunately we won't be able to watch the new episode until tomorrow night b/c we did get home until halfway through it.   We got home late b/c...   <b>We have bought a dishwasher! =) =)</b> We bought it tonight. Mr Man, as he put it, will be earning his "Mr Man" title by installing it Thursday with the help of one of our friends. *bounces* We're going to have a dishwasher *bounces* and it won't be me!
korshka

korshka

0
elbow's scentblog
 

Smellies for C.

I sent C. a package of imps to thank her for her hospitality during the Folklife festival. She just e-mailed me about them, and I really enjoyed her scent descriptions:   thank you thank you for the black phoenix scents!! i LOVE them!! except laudanum i have to admit that it reminds me of foul bandages (taken off a bloody cut after a week of being blood and water soaked)! and it has a moldy eucalyptus tinge. bleuck...! but here's my critique of the others (did you get a chance to test them out before you mailed them?) : florence: smells like honey and dark wine mixed with eastern spices. it's gorgeous! bewitched: swirls around me like heavy wild flowers after rain with splashes of dried herbs and dark, cavelike musk. LOVE it. i think this one likes me best. desire: it is very woodsy but not pine...like ferns and bark and sunshine. yummy. rose cross: the scent is like dried roses left on stone (a grave?)...not an overbearing rose smell but light and mossy. lovely!
elbow

elbow

0
Is Anybody Out There?
 

Scents of the Moment

Obsessing over trying: TKO, Leo '07, Victoria, Lysander, Schlafende Baigneuse and Crowley. Bottles I particularly yearn for: 51, Mouse's Long and Sad Tale, Queen of Sheba, TKO, Bengal, Snowflakes Imps I particularly yearn for: Croquet, TKO, Crowley, Tristran, Hermia. LE's I'd almost rent out my soul for: Storyville, SN Lime, SN Pomegranate, Fee, Tears, Circe, Noir LE's I'd almost always accept another bottle of: Et Lux Fuit, Snowflakes, Boomslang, Punkie Night LE's I'd always accept another imp of: Storyville, Beaver Moon, Pink Moon '05, Chaste Moon and the bottle bunch, of course! Catalog bottles I absolutely can't be without: Katharina, Whitechapel and Alice. BPTP stuff I would sell my soul for: (other than a scent locket, obviously) Bitter Moon tee. Mum Moon tee, too.   Previously in my wishlist, I decided to take it out but to leave it available here. It'll be updated with some frequency as my mood dictates.   I'm also putting some of my wishlist on here that doesn't need to be up there anymore; namely Tarot and such.   Tarot The World Temperance *The Hanged Man Justice Strength *The Hierophant *The Sun The High Priestess The Chariot   The Chakras   Vishuddha Manipura Sahasrara   TAL   Charisma Glamour   *Anthelion *Bastet's Laughter *Block Buster *Euphony *Hand of Hermes *Hymn to Pan *Radiance of Ra **Road Opener   Brass Balls Foundation of Fortune King Solomon's Millk and Honey *Perpetuum Bonum   White Light   Catalyst Clarity **Concentration **Crucible of Courage *Determination **Healing *Mnemosyne Ouroboros Wolf's Heart   I don't want any TAL that I could mistakenly cause negative effects. I'm not a magical practitioner, but I do have faith that focusing energy really does make a difference. (That's just my little disclaimer about TAL oils.)
smallvoice

smallvoice

0
Diplomatka
 

I'm not your "sister"

Why is it no matter where I go I get cat-called? I can be wearing anything, any time of the day in any part of the city and men cannot help but yell something at me! Walking back to my office from lunch with my husband a man pulled up next to me in his car and yelled, “sexy!” And last week, wearing sweats with greasy hair going to play Frisbee a man in a minibus taxi pulled in between me and my husband just to holler at me (I was walking with him and three Ethiopian men, but the driver was undeterred): “Hey baby, how are you?”   What are these guys thinking? Seriously, is there some myth about white women that I have not heard? Do they think that I am going to talk to them? What gives them the fucking right to walk past me and whisper, “sweet, sweet sister”? What gives them the right to even talk to me at all? I just want to yell “LOOK, I AM WALKING WITH MY HUSBAND, THE ONLY WHITE GUY WITHIN A TEN MILE RADIUS AND I AM WEARING BUSINESS CLOTHES. I AM NOT A PROSTITUTE AND I HAVE NO REASON TO TALK TO YOU. FUCK OFF.”   I really need to invest in a tazer.
Confection

Confection

0
Is Anybody Out There?
 

Unsent

So here are things I've recently figured out about myself:   I don't trust people. Moreso than I originally believed. I have issues with my father, but I think those issues are easier for me to resolve, because I've written him off. What's going to be hardest for me is that most of my issues stem from my mother, and I can't bear to think about that. I love my mother, and I know she loves me and did the best she could, but... there's a lot of anger and I don't know how to deal with that. I am a freak who cannot find closure in any way over some STUPID boy I met online AGES ago. This is disturbing. I just want to heal, but he hurt me on such a base level that I sort of sealed it off and now I can't get to it. I don't want him; I don't want to be with him, and if he ever showed back up in my life, I'd probably tell him to trust his instincts and get the hell away from me. But first I would tell him all the things that hurt me. Maybe I just want some acknowledgement of what he did. And there's a part of me that hopes he never realized how much it hurt me, because I don't want him to be capable of doing that to anyone. I need to take care of myself.   Why is this called unsent? Because I'm going to start writing physical letters to people I can't let go of, and pretend that they've been read and heard, and hopefully that will help.
smallvoice

smallvoice

0
readiness' Blog
 

Holding Pattern

It feels like I'm in a holding pattern continually circling The. Big. Move.   I feel like have so much left to do and people to see and no time anymore. Yet I do. I have time to go to work and do chores. Like today. I have this afternoon. But I still have stuff to do. But it's all the boring empty and refilling boxes.   I need to find out if greeting cards count media mail. I am so fucked if not.   I need a job in New York for what feels like yesterday. But it's hard - esp in my back up retail, to be like yes I'll move out in three weeks. hozaboutthat? But not having a job definitely makes me nervous.   My mom, dad and Tom have all said they will not let me starve for that first non-job (maybe) month. So no real worries right? Well should not be. But I worry.   But then on days like today I'm like ho hum. I need to make money. how can I do that. hate telefund.   And I was just told that the will call for next month is going to be the day after I leave. *severe and SAD pout*
readiness

readiness

0
Nia's Blog
 

Let's make this harder

I spend way too much time online. I'm going to give myself 1/5 of a TAL bottle for every day in which I limit web browsing to (quick) email/forum/blog checks. Say, 30 minutes a day.   My first bottle is going to be Lionheart.   Wednesday: Bad day. I spent a lot of time in a lot of different forums Thursday: I can't concentrate in anything after a tiring morning with several appointments and I again wasted too much time.   Friday 13th and Saturday 14th: This is beginning to work. So far I've deserved 2/5 of a bottle
Nia

Nia

0
Korshka's BPAL Ramblings
 

Rest In Peace, Grandma

I'm back home. The past week has been very up and down, and very emotional. Below is my release of that.   I flew in Wednesday around noontime. Daddy picked me up at the airport, and we went back to the hospital where my mom was waiting with Grandma. Just seeing Grandma like that...so very sad. I had forgotten just how bad people looked so close to death. Grandma wasn't conscious or aware of much of anything. She had just gotten her morphine for the pain and ativan for agitation. We went to lunch and then came back for a little longer before heading to the house. We talked, and I did little things here and there, but for the most part I felt like we were just waiting for the phone to ring and holding our breath every time it did.   On Thursday, we headed back to the hospital, and Grandma was moved from the heart hospital to the general hospital and placed under "hospice" care. This pretty much just meant that she was terminal and there to be kept comfortable until she died. Thursday was horribly hard for me. Grandma was restless and moaning. She still wasn't very aware of what was going on, but she was notably unhappy. It really tore into me to see her this way. This was when I started wishing for her let go. I felt really horrible to feel that way because I felt that I should be wishing for her stay with us, but there was no hope for her to get better, and she seemed like she was in so much suffering. I wanted that to end and for her to move on to peace.   But she kept holding on...   Friday, I decided I could not handle another hospital visit and that I needed to get some work done. I did put forth a good effort to work, but I feel short only getting about 3 hours done. Instead, I called up a friend from high school and was able to go over to her house to visit with her. It was really good seeing her and her 3 little girls. After a while, I started feeling that need to go home, so I said good bye and headed back to my parents house. When I got there, my parents told me that they had gotten the call.   Grandma had died.   They had all (my Mom's brothers and sisters) and met up at the hospital after a few of them had had an appointment at the funeral home to make sure everything would be ready. Most of them had been there at one time or another over the past few days except one sister. It was shortly after she had left, that Grandma died. We think she was just waiting for her last daughter to come to her, tell her it was alright, and say goodbye.   I didn't start crying. I felt sad, but at the same time, I felt peace for her.   The week of July 4th is always the week that my mom's family goes to the beach for a week, and this year they needed it even more. So that night my parents hurried themselves packing and headed down to Myrtle Beach Saturday morning. I thought the time by myself at the house would help me start grieving, but I still couldn't. I held myself up so tight for the past couple days, that I still couldn't let myself go. I was just numb. I did, however, fell the need to binge out on B&J's ice cream. Saturday night, Sister and Brother-In-Law got in. It was BIL's birthday - poor guy.   Sunday, just existed, I don't really remember doing much. Today though was the visitation and funeral.   Grandma was all dressed up and looked quiet and sleeping. Under the nice outfit that she had worn at Sister's wedding was a red t-shirt. My little cousins had bought that shirt for her a few weeks back at Disney world. Grandma was in the hospital then, so they just showed it to her, and she was never able to wear it. At the visitation, I was still very numb. It came in little waves, but the big stuff was still being held back somewhere deep inside. We stood around and talked. I was able to see a few relatives that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was at the end of the visitation that it hit me.   I was standing outside waiting for Grandma to be moved to the awaiting hearse for the precession to the grave site. I was looking in the door and saw two men from the funeral home rolling the casket down the hall. All of the sudden it hit me. It was my Grandma, and she was being taken away. I wanted to jump out of my skin. I wanted to run to the casket and tell them to get away from my Grandma. She was mine, and they couldn't take her away from me. I want to scream out to her that I loved her and that I didn't want to lose her. Daddy must have seen whatever it was snap inside of me. He had gone to put something in the car, and I was just standing by myself. All I know is that all of the sudden he was by my side holding me as I just sobbed. My Grandma was gone. They were taking her away from me.   I watched as they put her in the hearse, and then we got into the car. I started crying again as we drove down the streets of Camden. At the first intersection, a cop car sat to block traffic, and the officer was standing next to it with his hat over his heart in tribute to our loss. It was very touching to see each of the cops doing this as we made our way through town.   The grave site funeral was short and very catholic. Afterwards, we talked so me more. Grandma is now resting next to Granddad, who died a little over 20 years ago.   I am still breaking out into tears every now and then. I'm really going to miss her. I imagine it'll be really hard this Christmas when she isn't there, and we aren't at her house. It is good that my family have this week at the beach together. I think it will help them grieve together and heel together.
korshka

korshka

0
×