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Eoywin

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Blog Entries posted by Eoywin

  1. Eoywin

    Stress

    By Eoywin,

    I fear that I'm not a good person. I don't have very many friends, and those I do have seem to be pulling away from me.
     
    I'm not sure why I have such a hard time making and keeping friends. My whole history of friendships show how people end up not liking me as a friend, and then dumping me.
     
    I just want a couple of good friends that I can call and talk to, or hang out with. I have my husband, and he's great (and I do wonder sometimes how he can stand me), but I only see him on the weekends.
     
    I had really wanted to go to the meet & sniff in SC this weekend, and now it appears that no-one is going. I was really looking forward to it, and now all I have to look forward to is a weekend of lots and lots of cleaning.
     
    I'm sad and I'm lonely, and I'm super stressed out over work and the wedding, and now that my in-laws are coming to visit, I'm stressed about that.
  2. Eoywin

    Switch Witch Help

    By Eoywin,

    I promise I will update my wishlist by the weekend, I promise!
     
    I have super dry skin, so I always need lotion. I also love candles and tarts (I'd love some more Dark Candles and some more Fat Cats tarts). Foody / Fruity scents work the best.
     
    I love villianess soaps, but am always willing to try out new bath products.
     
    I love writing, and do sometimes at work when things get slow/boring. I usually keep a small blank notebook in my purse for this purpose. I can always use more small blank notebooks because I fill mine up really fast.
     
    I think that's all for now!
  3. Eoywin

    The Great Picture Project

    By Eoywin,

    I have a lot of pictures, and I've been thinking lately that I really should scan them into my computer, and make several cd's, so as to have them in case something happens.
     
    The only problem that it's a bit hard to look at some of these pictures, and it brings up some unpleasant feelings.
     
    Firstly, even though she's been dead for over 4 years, I have a hard time looking at pictures of my mom. When I do, I feel like sobbing, so I just don't look at pictures of her. With the picture project, I would have to look at them
     
    Secondly, I'm not sure what to do with the pictures that have my ex-friends in it. Since I was friends with my ex-best friend for nearly 10 years, I have a lot of pictures with her in it. A lot with my other ex-friends as well. Right after we moved to NC, I was going to send the ex-best friend the pictures, but never got around to it. Now I feel that too much time has passed.
     
    Looking at those pictures bring back everything that went down, and it makes me sad and angry at the same time. I won't scan those in, but I don't really feel right throwing them away either.
     
    This has been on my mind, which was evident by my dreams like night, which one featured my mom, and the other featured my ex friends.
  4. Eoywin

    Unpopular

    By Eoywin,

    I was never popular in school - I was too geeky, shy and quiet to be popular. Most of the time I was okay with that, but sometimes I longed to be noticed.
     
    I'm not liked at work because I don't smoke. Nearly all my co-workers smoke, and take smoke breaks together. I try to engage them in conversation, but they don't really seem all that interested because they are at totally different phases of their life.
     
    I don't have a lot of friends, and the several attempts I've made to make new friends since moving to NC have failed for reasons that are unknown to me.
     
    I miss when I did have a group of friends - my last year of college was the only time I've felt vaguely popular. I was in a larp group on campus, and was friends with most of the people who played. The group was very large (nearly 40 people at one point) and I felt liked and wanted.
     
    Now my wedding is less than a month away, and I'm keenly aware that I have no friends coming. My sister has more friends attending my wedding than I do.
     
    I feel sad because I wish I had someone to go shopping with and do girly type things, but more often than not when I reach out to someone to be their friend they just don't seem interested.
  5. Eoywin

    V-Day

    By Eoywin,

    This was meant to be a LJ entry, but LJ is being stupid
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     
    Valentine's has never been important to me at all, so today was just another day.
     
    I did make the mistake of getting up and saying hi to Todd when he got home. I was awake, and I missed him. Of course 'hi' turned into talking for about a 1/2 hour, and when I got back to bed, I couldn't get to sleep, and mostly just tossed and turned the rest of the night.
     
    So, I was very sleepy when I dragged myself out of bed this morning, especially since I dragged myself out of bed a 1/2 early so I could get to work early and leave work early (I had to go to the PO which annoying closes the same time I usually get out of work).
     
    Work was fine, though busy. I went to Sonic for the very first time for lunch, and that was pretty good.
     
    I get home (after the PO of course) and I have a white (maybe yellow, I can't tell) rose waiting for me. I thought this was very sweet since I told Todd about a month ago not to get me anything.
     
    I've been cleaning and trying to deal with the flea situation after I got out of work, and now it's nearly time to go to choir.
  6. Eoywin
    Since my brain is completely tuned to everything weddings, I thought I would post some pictures of the stuff for my upcoming wedding.
     
    Our engagement picture
     

     
    Pictures of my dress!
     

     
    My cake topper
     

     
    My University of Michigan garter
     

     
    My guest book
     

     
    The label I made to put on our bubbles
     

     
    My invitations
     

     
    This is what my flowers will look like
     

     
    The start of my centerpieces
     

     
    My favors
     

  8. Eoywin

    Wedding thoughts

    By Eoywin,

    Since my own wedding is 3 months away, my thoughts are pretty much focused on the wedding, and how much crap I still have to do for it.
     
    When I couldn't get to sleep last night, I flipped on the tv, and found the show 'Bridezillas' on which I watched for about 20 minutes.
     
    One of the brides made the comment that 'the wedding is all about the bride, and the groom doesn't matter'.
     
    I'd like to say that it's the first time I've heard that idea, but it's not. I know of several people who felt that way about their own wedding.
     
    Our wedding will be focused not just on me, because honestly it's not just me getting married. It's Todd and I.
     
    Besides, he might get more attention, since he's inviting more people
     
    I did get some wedding stuff done - I got the cloaks for the bridal party ordered yesterday, and I'll get them in a couple of weeks, which is awesome.
     
    This weekend, beyond cleaning, I'm going to get my invitations weighed, so I can buy stamps, so I can start to get those finished.
  9. Eoywin

    Why?

    By Eoywin,

    I wonder why I don't have any friends and no-one seems to like me?
     
    Truthfully, I whine a lot more online than I do in real life, but I still seem to not be able to attract any friends at all.
     
    If something happens to Todd, I'd have no-one, since my family doesn't really care either. I'm sure if I didn't make an effort to stay in touch, they'd never call me.
     
    My cousin is even ditching me the weekend of my shower to go to a Tigers game, which really makes me sad. I'm not going to be able to come back to Michigan very often, and she decides that she would rather go watch a baseball game in Detroit than hang out with me. I know now why my bach. party was moved from Saturday night to Friday night.
     
    Sorry, I'm just feeling very sick today, which makes me sad and depressed.
  10. Eoywin

    Work Woes

    By Eoywin,

    I've about had it with work this week. It's been hard and stressful, and I'm getting all stressed out which is giving me a headache.
     
    What's going on today it V-8 badness. V-8 is the new turbo that is going to make or break us, and right now everything is all fucked up.
     
    Today alone I've dealt with inventory issues, quality issues, capacity issues (which is something purchasing should have done something with a long time ago) - all are things that could shut the line down, and shutting the line down is very, very, very bad.
     
    With things as bad as they are with the V-8 program, I'm a little worried because both Todd and I work there. I'm beginning to wonder if it's time to look for a new job.
     
    I really don't want to look for a new job, because I really do like my job. It's not that hard, but it's busy and hectic enough to keep me occupied during the day. And I hate looking for a new job... hate it with a passion.
     
    The reasons to look for a new job is the temp. thing (I can't get my boss to stand still for 5 minutes to give him updates on parts, let alone have time to take about my tempness.), and of course, the badness with the V-8 program.
     
    It's got to slow down and get more stable eventually, but it's hard right now.
     
    I'm going to talk to Todd about it, and try and find some time to pin my boss down to talk to him about the temp. issue. If I was given a date when I'd be hired in (even if it was still a while off), I'd stay. I make decent money, so that's another reason to stay.
     
    Things might get worse before they get better though. I have two co-workers who are also temps, and one has been seriously looking for another job for a couple of weeks now. I shudder to think what things would be like if we didn't replace her right away. She has over 70 vendors!
     
    I'm just torn... and really tired
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