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Eoywin

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  3. Eoywin

    Mother's Day

    By Eoywin,

    I really don't like Mother's Day since I don't have a mother. My mom passed away on August 8, 2002 from cancer.
     
    Every since then, Mother's Day really makes me sad. This year hasn't bothered me too much until I just read a post about a mom surprising her daughter with a visit. Reading that made me want to cry, because that's something my mom would have done.
     
    I was 25 when I lost my mom, an adult, but barely. She didn't get to come to my wedding (or my sister's), and she won't be here when her grandchildren are born.
     
    My dad remarried last year, and I'm super happy for him. But I barely know his wife, mostly because their entire courtship happen after Todd and I move to NC.
     
    I like Todd's mom okay, but we will never be close because of the distance and because she is really, really opionated, and I don't share her views all of the time (we had several fights about the wedding because she wanted to do things different).
     
    I'm sad because I'm not really close to any of my family. My sister is so self absorbed that she never returns my phone calls when I call, stating that she is always too busy to have a phone conversation. She doesn't reply to emails often either. Todd's brother is married, but his wife is super shy, and even though I try to talk to her when we are together for family get together's, she never really responses.
     
    If anything happened to Todd, I don't know what I would do. I don't really have much of a support system, at least as family is concerned.
     
    Anyway, I'll stop being emo for today
  4. Eoywin

    Musings on Math

    By Eoywin,

    As I was adding up numbers today, I began to think about math. I know lots of kids piss and moan to their parents about how they will never use math, and such.
     
    I use math every day, at least at work. Of course, I do have my handy dandy calculator to help me out.
     
    But the more I thought about it, I realized we use math in play too. If I didn't know how to add and multiply, I'd have no idea how much damage I did to the bad guys in the roleplaying campaign I play in.
  5. Eoywin

    My Birth Chart

    By Eoywin,

    Meanwhile, let's take a look at Eoywin's chart. Which is very very pretty (I am sometimes such a Libra).
     
    She's born March 19, 1977 at 1:50PM in BayCity, Michigan.
     
    This makes her a double Pisces (Sun and Moon, in absolute conjunction: she was a new moon baby) with Leo rising.
     
    Her sun and Moon are living in the 9th house, and Mercury (in Aries) is also in conjunction. Sun and Moon are in very late Pisces, Mercury in extra early Aries, and so they get to play happily together.
     
    She has a Grand Trine that makes a Kite. The Trine is--oho!! Well, she has what looks like a Grand trine but is sneaky and isn't really. Very interesting. It makes, actually, the coolist fish pattern imaginable, so apt for a Pisces.
     
    And actually--yeah, let's throw in the Midheaven and we get a trine too. So the points in the Grand Trine I have just created, being all powerful like that, are Saturn in Leo, Neptune in Sagittarius, and the Midheaven in Aries. There are also some other trines going on as well. Neptune trines Venus and Saturn trines the Moon.
     
    And the kite...that's a sextile from both Saturn and Neptune to Pluto in Libra, which is snug to the start of the 4th house (though at the end of the 3rd) and thus opposite the midheaven.
     
    Whew.
    So this is pretty fascinating-- a double Pisces (water energy) who in fact has a ton of fire going on, and reads that fire--that will towards action--through intellectual air sign Libra.
     
    But let's try to be all rational and zip through the houses, 1 to 12, and peek at what's happening in each of these.
     
    Leo rising comes across with great warmth, drama, flair. "Here I am, now we can have fun". But when Saturn is in Leo and in the first house, as it is here, there is a bit of a..hesitation..to that Leo brightness. Leo rising without Saturn, Leo all happy by itself, always reminds me of a pretty little child rushing into a room and dancing about, demanding attention, but in a very charming and engaging way--so that everyone stops, and does what that child wants.
    Or it's like sunlight breaking through (and Leo is ruled by the sun).
    But when we have Saturn at the ascendant (and actually, Eoywin, I have Saturn in my first house too, in Leo, but with Pluto leading the way and complicating my life)--there is a bit of--oh, seriousness. Sobriety. Must be good. Must behave. Must make certain that the world is in order.
    First house Saturn kids often end up having a ton more responsiblity early in their life than others their age. And a first house Saturn person will generally appear, when you first meet them, as reliable, trustworthy, serious.
     
    Saturn tells us about our fears and how we gain security; what we most want, what we most fear we can't have or will throw away. Saturn in Leo craves recognition, admiration, appreciation. This can go as far as "I need to be famous" or simply be a question of wanting to be recognized as the beautiful special soul they are. Saturn in Leo people believe in their hearts that they are special, that they are destined for something great or wonderful; it is a conviction they have from early childhood on, and they get surprised by (and upset by) situations in which they aren't recognized as being the best. At the same time, a Saturn in Leo person will rarely cop to this, or will kind of joke about it. When I was in my twenties, before my Saturn return, I would sometimes joke about "sure, what I want is fame and fortune". It wasn't a joke, though my definition of fame and fortune is pretty odd.
    Saturn in Leo people may fear to fail, and therefore not take on things that they aren't already pretty good at. When I was entering school I already knew how to read (I think I was born knowing how to read--well, not really, but I was a freakishly early reader)--but I didn't know how to write the beautiful Spencerian hand my mother wrote, with exquisite shading and perfect letter formation. And I was so afraid I would be mocked for my total lack of ability.
    It was a great relief to see that we were going to start with shaky block letters, and that none of my classmates had a clue that Spencerian handwriting existed.
    That sort of fear, which is based I think on pride (a big Leo thing)--is quite Leo Saturn.
     
    Leo rising is supposed to grant gorgeous hair...like, gosh, a mane. Very Dallas (perhaps before your time, actually: very Big Hair). I blame Saturn for the baby fine quality of my own hair, but it did have its moments (I just realized I cut my hair at key Saturn transits. Whoa.That's so interesting--it was long, long, long and blonde and the first time I cut and changed it--drastically--was during the Saturn opposition--at around 14 years old. And the next time--another drastic chop--at my Saturn return. I've gone through my second Saturn return and--yep, my hair is very short and henna-red--but at the start of my second Saturn return I cut it absolutely short to go back to my natural color, after years of using henna--it's a mid-mouse-brown naturally, I discovered. Amazing; I never correlated this before). Leo rising also gives an air of natural nobility.
     
    Eoywin has her Saturn conjunct Pallas in Leo in the first house. Now, having Pallas in the first house makes other people expect you are going to be a problem solver, and it does give a wonderful ability to do that, to see patterns, to figure things out.
    But Saturn here makes it a little hard to realize you can do that. People with this pattern need to work on their self confidence, a lot, and when they are learning or trying out things they need to practice a lot. But once they have learned something--they've got it; it is theirs and they can build on it strongly.
     
    Saturn/Pallas trine Neptune give a great ability to take visionary or poetic or compassionate and imaginative projects and give them form, work with them, make them real.
     
    The second house here is also Leo cusped, and having doubled signs makes us realize (well, makes me realize, anyway, and a bit late in the game) that Eoywin must have intercepted signs as well. And those are *peers at chart* Sagittarius and Gemini in the 5th and 11th houses. We'll talk about that as we get there.
     
    Meanwhile, having Leo as the sign on the 2nd house tells us that she really, really treasures those Leo attributes: nobility, warmth, courage, generousity. The best in herself, the best in others, the best of whatever it is she most wants, most values. Drama, passion. Nothing pallid, nothing all humdrum. And this can be on all sorts of levels--from the mundane (in which she might well have expensive tastes--or at least an eye for the very best. Well, of course she does, she's involved with Black Phoenix for goodness sakes)--to the very--esoteric, in which she may wish to actualize a life that is centered on leadership for the good of others (her "loyal subjects").
     
    Virgo is the sign on the 3rd house. Here we find Ceres and Pluto, both in Libra. So there's a fine mind, and a devotion and care towards siblings or people like siblings in the life; there is a discernment and precision in her communication and learning style (she probably is very fond of books). Intellectual, a bit earnest, very charming. Takes her relationships to those close to her quite seriously. She may have taken care of her brothers and sisters, or she may well have been cared for by siblings more than by parents in her childhood; the sibling relationship, for her, is a source of strength. (this can be true even if one doesn't have actual siblings; one will then enter into sibling-like relationships with friends, and often long term ones; life long). Someone with a 3rd house Ceres may find she can communicate in a very nurturing fashion, that her words and her manner of communication soothes others, makes them feel loved and secure. (and back to books--a 3rd house Ceres would be nurtured by literature or other forms of communication).
     
    Pluto in the 3rd house gives tremendous power to words. If you have Pluto in the 3rd your words--writen, spoken, whatever--have the power to heal, and the power to harm. Even a casual comment may strike to someone's heart. Now, this is a great thing for someone who is a writer of course; but it works for anyone, and the Pluto person needs to be aware of it. No, you don't have to go around giving sermons and never saying a cross word--but be aware. Relationships with neighbors, siblings, those like siblings are never lukewarm if you have Pluto in the 3rd. Very intense: love or hate (or both ). The Pluto in Libra generation, as I've said dozens of times here, is remaking our concepts of beauty and marriage, of justice, of harmony. And they seem to be doing a marvellous job of it, really. They were born as this energy started surging in the world, and they are exemplifying and extending it (and I love the Pluto in Libra generation--but that may be because I've got a lot of Libra in my own chart, and they stir me up )
     
    Pluto is close to the start of the 4th house, house of home and where we build our foundations, of our roots, the start and end of life. Being here Pluto is also opposite the midheaven, and the energy may permeate both the home and the career. Power, and perhaps power struggles in both arenas.
     
    Libra is the sign on the 4th. Eoywin has her North Node of the Moon in Libra in the 4th house (the south node is in Aries in the 10th house). She also has Uranus in Scorpio in the 4th house.
    So, if you have a sense of Libra you will know that someone with a Libra 4th house would like a lovely home; beauty is the heart of what Libra needs and loves and with her Ceres in Libra Eoywin is nurtured by the beautiful; when all else is terrible in her life--which I certainly hope doesn't happen much--something beautiful can lift her heart. This is true of anyone who has some strong Libra in their chart--and someone with Pluto in Libra will be able to find that beauty in unlikely places. But Libra also needs justice like the air she breathes--so a Libra 4th house person is going to want to have things harmonious and fair within her household. And she is likely to want to have books, art, the "finer things" around her. And--if possible--a dear partner in the home.
    But she also has that Uranus in Scorpio in the 4th (we'll talk about the nodes of the moon later) which makes it kind of likely that--well, there's a couple things here. People with Uranus in the 4th may have had kind of unsettled childhoods (moving a lot, or kind of eccentric or unsteady people in the home)--and people with a 4th house Uranus may have a lot of ease with the world of computers, technology, new ideas, new concepts: they feel "at home" in that world.
    Uranus in Scorpio is very very difficult to shock (and doesn't mind being a bit shocking herself). May have (in the 4th house) a fondness for very odd people, who become "part of the family".
     
    Uranus makes only one connection to other planets in the chart--that is a square to the first house Saturn. So Eoywin may feel a kind of pull between her need to be "responsible" and structured and her need to be wild and untamed and not boxed in, not bound by how other people want to define her. As with all Uranus/Saturn connections, the way to work with this is to either do things that are based on tradition in new ways, or to take wild new concepts and put strong structure around them--thus getting the best of both sides.
     
    Might also be a case of being more--apparently sober and straight in public and in the privacy of her home being really a bit wild and eccentric. Sort of.."oh, if they only knew!" icon_twisted.gif
     
    Scorpio is the sign on the 5th house, and Sagittarius is in interception here. This is where the nice Neptune in Sagittarius is. So, this is the house of children, falling in love, fun and games, creative expression, etc. And Scorpio here certainly gives a lot of intensity and passion to all that--but with the intercepted Sagittarius there may be a tendency to get swamped in the emotional flow, in the personalized intensity of life--and not see the--huger perspective, how the personal connects to the grand scheme of things--and not to know quite how to get from "I feel this deeply" to "I can act on my passions in this way..." The location of Jupiter in the chart (the Sagittarian ruler) will give some key as to where she might indeed act on those passions, and we find Jupiter in the 11th house in Taurus. (so perhaps with a little help from her friends...*cue old music* or in groups of some sort, or when she is clear about her life goals. Interestingly the 11th house is where the other intercepted sign, Gemini, is...but we'll get there).
    Neptune in Sagittarius, beloved of animals everywhere, so idealistic, so intuitive, so sparked with the fire of good intentions, does make connections out of this intercepted sign--so Eoywin's imagination and sympathy are likely very strongly expressed in her life; at first meeting her, and through her public image or career (the midheaven) as well.
     
    Neptune is trine Venus, and this is one of the signs of the romantic, the dreamer, the poet (of course, a double Pisces is all that and more, and we haven't even reached the sun and moon yet). Tends to idealize her beloveds; sees always the best in them and since Neptune in the 5th is also about how we see our kids or those in our lives who are like our children, is likely to be very sympathetic towards her children (or those in that place in her life), seeing them in the best possible light. Sometimes in spite of "fact". (it's a charming trait, I see nothing wrong with it, but Neptune and Venus are conjunct my Sun, so of course I see this energy as very positive. And of course I have been a bit gullible in my own life sometimes...but I'd rather see the pretty rainbows and the excellence than settle for thinking everything was terrible and seeing the worst in my loves. So there.)
     
    Capricorn is the sign on the house of work, health, service to others. Here's where the responsibility we see in the first house Saturn comes out very strongly: in work, or when others rely on her, she is solid. She is going to follow through; she's in for the long term and you can really count on her. Can be ambitious, and isn't afraid of things that might take a while. And even though she has all that floaty magic Pisces stuff going on she is probably quite well organized in the work situation, or when people are counting on her. (she could be all fuzzy and living in piles of interesting projects in her personal life, but if others need her she will come through for them, and take charge, often.)
     
    Aquarius is the sign on the house of marriage and partnership. Someone with an Aquarian 7th house, however romantic they may be, needs to have a rather unusual degree of space in her partnerships and marriage/s (or marriage-like situations). This is not the "I want always to be with my partner, oh, cuddly-wuddly sweetums" sort of energy. Needs intellectual partnership as well as emotional/physical; will not stay in a relationship long if it doesn't engage her mind. And may have kind of unusual, eccentric, very bright people as partners. This house is about all sorts of partnership--doesn't have to be simply marriage/romance. (with Uranus in the 4th house I'm wondering if her husband--assuming she has one--has a bunch of Aquarius in his chart; that wouldn't be surprising).
     
    8th house is also Aquarian, and has Mars in Aquarius within it (another indication that she could be strongly drawn to Aquarian guys in her life). Someone with an Aquarian 8th house is very--curious and unafraid of all the primal energies, the themes of death, karma, sexuality, the occult, inheritance, etc. "Wow, that's so fascinating!" It can be a pretty intellectual approach--though having Mars here will give some passion. Mars in Aquarius is really--well, if you are having a battle (usually of wits, not of cudgels) with someone with Mars in Aquarius, you don't know where the next blow is coming from. They strategize amazingly and in ways no one else would possibly imagine (and thus, they often win). Mars is square Jupiter, which could lead to some overenthusiasm: whee!!! I know, let's go have fun jumping around the cliffs of doom. (again, probably more in a virtual world here, or in intellectual sorties than in actual physical risk taking. But it could be physical too.).
    Might be impatient, with Jupiter increasing the Mars energy.
     
    9th house is Piscean, and this is indeed where the Pisces Sun and Moon are hanging out. Also where Mercury in Aries is trying to tempt the sun and moon into adventures. So this is the house of exploration and travel (travel in the mind, travel through education, travel that actually involves hopping a train somewhere). It's the house of searching, pressing the boundaries, trying to figure stuff out. Spiritual search, advanced learning, that sort of thing.
     
    Where our Sun or Moon is gives us a sense of where and how we figure out our identity: the Sun having to do with our conscious self, and the Moon with our inward, emotional qualities.
    And where our Mercury shows up tells us where our mind expresses itself freely, tells us a bit about the quality of our mind and what gets our interest and attention.
     
    So, for Eoywin, all of these are within the realm of exploration,travel, learning. And with a Pisces twist, which would mean that it probably isn't a question of "must memorize all the facts I can find" so much as it is "must let my imagination soar, must use my intuition". Pisces on the 9th house is all about imagination, illusion, poetry, tales of yore, dragons and magic and mythic, mystic sorts of adventures. If travel is important to Eoywin, as it is likely to be--actual travel--then the astrologers would say that she might enjoy best of all travel near or on water--a vacation in the Greek isles would be very pleasant.
     
    Oh, Pisces. So lovely, so sympathetic, so talented and poetic and interesting. (so much the fatal attractions of my life, oh dear).
    I think the water signs in general are misunderstood or overly simplified by pop astrology--you know, scary Scorpio, mommy Cancer and drunk and self destructive Pisces.
    (maybe you didn't know a thing about pop astrology and are now stunned, sorry!).
    Pisces is Neptune ruled, and Neptune is all about illusion and fluidity and mists and things not quite being as they seem, about magic, about fey energy. People often get very confused by Pisces, because it can be a very chameleon and shifting sort of sign, kind of will o the wisp, kind of like the rainbows in foam on the seashore--you try to hold onto them, they vanish.
     
    Pisces rules the feet, and you will often find that Pisces people or people with strong Pisces elements in their chart are fine dancers and enjoy this a lot (Nureyev, the wonderful Russian ballet dancer was a Pisces). Pisces has a kind of...faraway quality to it; you may have your Pisces friend right in the room, but look--her eyes are unfocused, she is staring out the window...she is really somewhere else entirely, in some dream or some fantasy or some interesting and strange thought.
     
    Lots of empathy in Pisces, and you will often find Pisces involved in helping others (sometimes in so called "helping professions" but in any case, if there is a heart torn by the sorrows of the world, it is probably a Pisces heart--wanting to reach out and care for the unfortunates). Pisces can be maddening to people who don't quite understand the fluidity and sensitivity, because...well, you can have a nice conversation with a Pisces and go away believing you've agreed on something and later find out--nope, the Pisces was fascinated by what you were saying or planing and didn't want to hurt you or disappoint you, so...better to not directly say a thing.
    It's that empathy; you have to really work with a Pisces Moon person in particular to get them to up front say "no, that's not happening" or "hey, your idea sucks" (well, they might not put it like that). And they might resent being put on the spot, actually--why are you making them make you feel bad??
    (disclaimer: note fatal attraction of astrologer to Pisces and fill in many experiences that ended in tears. Usually Piscean tears, actually. Oh lord, the flashbacks).
     
    Imagination is the life blood for Pisces; to use imagination, intuition, to dream, to connect emotions and learning, to tell stories, to understand stories...this is what Pisces needs and thrives in.
     
    Now, for Eoywin, the addition of an Aries Mercury to her strong double Pisces nature adds some interesting zap. She may be more able than most of her sign to cut through the tenderness and just blurt the truth; certainly she will have tremendous intellectual drive, and possibly a strong need for physical expression as well.
     
    Mercury in the 9th house gives a mind that loves to go very far, to ask questions and more questions. Mercury in Aries wants quick understanding, quick answers, gets impatient if she has to wait around.
     
    Saturn is trine the Moon and the Sun, and this may well indicate (besides an underlying ability to keep going, and to try to get everything right, to get the foundation down well) that Eoywin may have some strong older friends and mentors throughout her life, who help her become the wonderful person she truly is meant to be, who draw out her best abilities, who help her remember her courage, her strength, her vitality.
     
    Aries is the midheaven sign, the sign that starts the 10th house. In this house of public image, career, calling (oldtimers sometimes called it the House of Fame, and doesn't that sound promising?) And we have Venus in Aries here, and Chiron in Aries. Venus is conjunct the South Node of the Moon.
     
    So, in public, Eoywin is viewed as something of a leader (what with Aries here) or as a solitary, an independent--rushing ahead, getting involved in new things, having new ideas. With Venus in the 10th house whatever she does in public looks good (literally and metaphorically) and she herself looks good doing it; public scrutiny brings out her most attractive side, and a lot of her affectionate nature. Venus in Aries can be quite, um, forthright about her passions (far from the delicate maiden that Pisces is supposedly--supposedly, mind you; Pisces can be quite, ahem, passionate). Very "hi, you are sexy, let's go do something....fun." There is a healthy glow of sexuality to Venus in Aries. No, not that the Venus in Aries people are out there dragging everyone off to ravish them--but they could now and again entertain the thought, and they give off a great, healthy glow.
     
    Chiron is here just a couple degrees away from Venus (well, 5 degrees.) Usually I use a 2 degree orb for the asteroids, but with Chiron I sometimes give a bit more room--it just feels as if I should (most astrology programs use a 10 degree orb overall--sorry if this is sounding like jargon. It should, because it is).
     
    When Venus and Chiron are conjunct, particularly in the 10th house, right in open view of the world, it is very seductive, very tender, very appealing. There is a fragility and an innocence and a wistful longing that surrounds the Venus/Chiron person. It's sort of like "oh, you'd be so much fun to besmirch and corrupt" in a way--like bad Victorian porn with damsels with pale skin and bruised eyes. So you can see how this combo could sometimes lead to...problems or adventures, and particularly in the chart of a tender Piscean soul with strong Neptune contact to her Venus; this energy might attract people for really the wrong reasons (okay, that is uncharacteristically judgmental for my nice Libra soul--but really, sometimes it does attract people who do not necessarily want the best for the Venus/Chiron person).
    Kurt Cobain had this, and so did Marilyn Monroe (and my darling mother--I know it very well; darling mom was born the same day and year as Marilyn). So if you think of that quality they both share--that sense of beautiful woundedness--you'll get a feeling for what this can be like.
     
    Aries Chiron has this odd feeling of nonexistence. Chiron tells us about the bruised points in our soul, where we learn, from which we might be able to reach out to others. For the Aries Chiron it's all about "where am I when I am not involved with/doing things for/being seen by--others" and especially "my dear partner". So an Aries Chiron will kind of look for confirmation; there is this inward..unsteadiness. But, the great thing about these people is that they are magnificient at getting other people to believe in themselves. These are the "you can do anything!" people who are great coaches, great mentors, excellent friends and guides. They can pour out so much enthusiasm, so much confidence for other people.
     
    Chiron in the 10th house people (like Ceres in the 10th) are often called upon to take care of others when they are in public, and may have careers that include healing or an element of "yes, I will make it all better for you". Sometimes 10th house Chiron people seem to end up taking care of everyone--except themselves.
    They can be very ambitious, but there is sometimes a block--you will see the person who meant to be a great singer, but who needed to attend to the needs of family; or the person who left school because someone needed them. This isn't always the case, but it does turn up.
     
    Now, for Eoywin, her south node is here in the 10th house conjunct Venus; there is an ease with being in public (even though she is a lovely floaty Pisces soul, and sometimes the Pisces people don't like being stared at overmuch--but then, there is that Leo rising and Leo Saturn--so sure, give her the spotlight). And there is a sense of "my love is my destiny" when Venus is conjunct a node; at the south node sometimes there is a need to really cling to the beloved, a fear of loss here: omigod, something is going to take this away. Insecurity. The lesson and challenge of the north node in the 4th house is one of achieving security and delight; making one's place in the world, understanding what true partnership is about, claiming space for oneself and for those one loves so very dearly. And understanding (with a Libra north node) how justice and partnership and beauty mesh. What's the sacred marriage in the universe?
     
    The 11th house, house of friendships, group activities, and life goals, has Taurus as its cusp sign. Gemini is intercepted here. In Taurus are the Black Moon Lilith and Jupiter, and they are in conjunction. A Taurus 11th house person is very loyal to her friends and her groups, wants solidity there. Lilith in Taurus is the earth mother personified; the inner power that Eoywin carries is very much sensual abundance and "come and eat and see that the world is good" energy. Very tactile, very much sensory, very much the Empress (do you know the Tarot at all Eoywin?). And this energy is most apparent in her friendships and group activities. It is amplified by having Jupiter conjunct. Jupiter in Taurus can be quite--material girl--but at best is generous and full hearted and in touch with the wonders of the world. Often good with plants, good at getting all sorts of things to grow and bloom (in reality or symbolically).
     
    And steady. This Taurus energy is very steady. However there's all that Gemini just fizzing and bubbling and wanting to get out: the need to communicate, the need to connect, the need to move around and not be required to stay in one place all the time, the need for freedom of expression and freedom of thought.
     
    When Gemini/Sagittarius is intercepted it is movement and communication that are sometimes hard to get going in the life; it is a question of knowing when and how to make one's move, when to just jump into things, when & how to communicate what one has so carefully learnt. With the double Pisces in the 9th house some of this may be about spiritual search and knowledge; a double Pisces in the 9th might be quite tied to a spiritual sense or religious base; the self may be connected to that sense of the divine or whatever one wishes to call this, to the identity of the soul (does that make sense?) and the question in the interception is...how do I express that best?
     
    Cancer is the 12th house sign and Vesta is here. The need for one's own nurturing might be put aside by a 12th house Cancer person--as with that Venus/Chiron link there is a desire to care for everything, everyone--but to sometimes ignore ones own deepest needs.
    Vesta in the 12th house (Vesta in Cancer gives a lot of what used to be called "domestic arts" skills)--Eoywin needs to make sure she gets out, gets into wide places, doesn't get trapped even in places she loves. For her mental and physical health she requires time outside and time away from the demands of other people. Vesta in the 12th house people have a tendency to kind of hole up, and this tendency gets worse if they are under stress--and that's the worst thing for them ("I will never ever leave my little cubicle, it is safe here"). Just remember this. (might not be a problem now, but tuck it away, okay?)
     
    I mentioned early on that there is a Kite in this chart. That is the Grand trine plus two sextile connections from Saturn and Neptune to the Libra Pluto. This bodes very well for a sort of transformative and--kind of dramatic--self expression. Might be excellent for a writer.
     
    So, Transits: (I'm slow to see these things, btw--I'm not a great "oh, look, next weekend you will win the lottery" sort of astrologer). The most significant one I see coming up, which is already starting to shift Eoywin's world a bit, would be Uranus in Pisces in her 9th house.
     
    Transiting Uranus is currently within orb (getting close to) her Sun/Moon/Mercury group.
    When Uranus hits either our Sun or our Moon (and most certainly if Uranus hits both at once!) our sense of identity gets shifted. Who are we, really? How do we know that?
    Sometimes people make actual physical changes during this transit, from the very trivial to the very large, but mostly it is at an inner and emotional level. Certainly originality and downright oddness are part of a transit of Uranus, but it can also feel kind of challenging and unsettling; the ground is shifting, the old assumptions are changing, who are you really?
     
    Knowing that Eoywin is currently pregnant--this makes a lot of sense to me, because it looks as if the actual spot on conjunction of Uranus to her triad there is going to coincide with the birth of her child. And, believe me, nothing shifts your identity quite so much as the transition to motherhood. (or it was so for me, at any rate).
     
    (If in fact the transit of Uranus and her baby's birth are in sync, the child is going to definitely liven up her life).
     
    The other thing a 9th house Uranus transit might do is change her beliefs, or challenge them.
     
    The current Mercury retro is happening in her house of friendship, life goals, etc.
     
    Neptune is, with Chiron, at the edge of her 8th house, moving back towards her 7th: idealism and healing around partnership (7th) and inheritance, sexuality, karmic things (8th house). (*counts on fingers to see when baby should be here*)...I think maybe Neptune will be shifting direct around the birth time, that should be quite interesting. It will then be coming conjunct the natal Mars, which always has a kind of destined feel to it "oh, this was meant to be"; often with love affairs (but one's children are a love affair of a different sort).
     
    Saturn is opposite Mars right now, might be a sense of having energy held back, not being able to do as one wishes, needing to be more careful than one wishes. Saturn's in the 2nd house, so financial issues might be at the forefront too.
     
    Transiting Mars is trine Neptune in the chart; again the sense of being at a time of destiny, having things change in one's life in good ways mostly, but there is this sense of being--pulled along by the changes.
     
    Pluto is currently squaring the Sun/Moon/Mercury group. This one is pretty challenging--you can have other people thinking you are just on the top of your game, but you yourself are full of various inexplicable pangs and pains and worries and insomnia (insomnia is very common with this one). Yet to others you appear so powerful, so in charge, so vibrant. It's a frustrating transition--it does indeed get you in touch with your own power, but the process can feel like being thrown against a wall a bunch: lots of bruising there in the emotions and sometimes actually in the body (maybe not bruises, but real aches). You need to use all your life management skills to get through this one--baby steps, little things: eat, drink, take frequent breaks if you can, try to care for yourself in every possible way. The transit will pass, you will be stronger, but for now you need to treat it as a day by day process of caring.
     
    Jupiter is midway through the 6th house, expanding, giving opportunities in work and in health. This would certainly be a help with basic wellness.
     
    So, one of the prettiest and most unusual charts I've seen, Eoywin; ask any questions you like. wub2.gif
  6. Eoywin

    My First BPAL Love

    By Eoywin,

    My very first BPAL love was Hamadryad - I sniffed an imp, and was hooked. It was the first bottle of BPAL I ever had too.
     
    Then the "Great Cleansing of 2005" aka "Mandy had to sell all of her BPAL so she could afford gas to get to work" happened, and that bottle go sold (with the rest of my collection )
     
    And of course, Hamadryad doesn't smell like my first love anymore, and I don't like the new hamadryad (it makes me sneeze )
     
    But I was just looking through the imps my switch witch sent me, and there was an imp of Hamadryad, and I opened it up.
     
    OH SWEET WOODSY GOODNESS!!!
     
    Suddenly I was propelled back in time to the fall of 2004, when I first fell in love with Bpal and Hamadryad.
     
    Now I wish I still had that bottle
  7. Eoywin

    My old job

    By Eoywin,

    My first job in the company I currently work in was the best job in the world. I loved it so much, but I was only temping for two ladies who were out on materinty leave.
     
    I bawled on my last day, on the way home from work, because I loved this job so much.
     
    My boss thought I was a great worker and he tried to A) keep me in his department or keep me in the company.
     
    I'm still in the company, but I don't like my current job nearly as much. Plus my boss in the old job was great, and my current boss is too busy to do much of anything besides sit in meetings.
     
    I just got a company wide email that one of the ladies who had a baby is leaving, tomorrow. Since this is the first I've heard of it, I'm guessing that they have someone else taking her place.
     
    I told my old boss that I would come back in a moment's notice, but I guess that's not going to happen.
     
    I sent him an email - to see if her position was filled. I know if I could go back there, I would have a wonderful job, with wonderful co-workers, and I'd be hired in right away.
     
    Because my mindset is of a depressed one, I feel that someone else is already working in her place, and it makes me want to cry. I can't even apply for the posting for her job, because I'm not hired in.
  8. Eoywin

    My Sad Tale of Love

    By Eoywin,

    No - nothing is wrong with me and Todd, things are great with us.
     
    Since there seems to be a lot of relationship troubles on the forum as of late, I thought I would share my sad tale of love.
     
    I didn't date a lot in high school. In fact, I went on a total of two dates in high school, being my first date (so boooring! The guy was too shy) and the senior Prom (same guy as first date, but so much more fun because we went with a group).
     
    I had one boyfriend my sophomore year of college, who I liked. He was madly in love with me, and when I realized I didn't love him at all, I broke it off with him.
     
    It was in my junior year of college (I think) when I met Adam. And I fell head over heels in love with him, though looking back, I'm not sure why I did.
     
    Our relationship had more downs than ups, especially at the end. We had to deal with both our moms getting cancer, his mom dying of cancer (mine did too, though it was after we had broke up). After his mom died, we moved in with his dad, which made things get really bad in our relationship, because a trailer with me, Adam, his dad and his dad's girlfriend/fiancee/wife made things really uncomfortable.
     
    He couldn't deal with his mom's death because he didn't believe in any deity, and he started to be a real jerk, even though I bent over backwards to try and help him.
     
    We moved out of the trailer, and into a house where Adam's friend, Ted, lived, but things didn't get any better, he just kept treating me worse and worse, until I broke up with him, and my parents came and got me (it was summertime, and I was still living in the town I went to college in).
     
    I found out later that he was being a jerk on purpose, so I would be the one to break it off. Pussy...
     
    But I loved him, madly, and it took me nearly a year to get over him. We were both in my ex best friend's wedding, and when I saw him, I realized that he wasn't a prize and I didn't have any feelings for him anymore.
     
    Funnily enough, that wedding was the first time I saw Todd (though I didn't think of Todd in that way, since I knew he had a girlfriend who everyone thought he was going to marry )
     
    I was single for about 2 years after I broke up with Adam, and it was the best thing for me. I had a lot going on during that time with my mom dying and having to move back home.
     
    When Todd and I got together, it was very weird. Ex-best friend and I joked that it would be cool if Todd and I got married, because then our kids would be kinda related (Todd and xbf's husband are distant cousins).
     
    My experience with Adam has made me appreciate Todd tons, because he's a great husband (most of the time ).
  10. Eoywin

    Not As Married

    By Eoywin,

    Todd and I keep our money separate, and we have never wanted to merge our money, even after we got married.
     
    Well, I mentioned in my lj yesterday that he had lent me some money for my new glasses, and that got one of my lj friends up in arms.
     
    Apparently we are 'less' married, because when you are married you must have your money combined. The lj friend even went to recommend a book to 'help' us with our problem.
     
    This pissed me off, because our way of dealing with money works for us, and how dare someone who doesn't know us judge?
     
    Well, I posted a pissy vent in one of the lj marriage communities, in which someone responded that she also thought we must merge our money, since marriage is about 2 people becoming 1, and therefore married people must never have separate money.
     
    GRRRR!
  11. Eoywin
    Everyone at work thinks I'm a newlywed, because I didn't feel the need to tell them that we got married twice (first time was September 9, 2005 for insurance reasons, the 2nd time was September 30, 2006, which I consider our 'real' wedding date).
     
    Apparently since I'm a newlywed, I don't know what it's like to be married, and shouldn't talk about my husband.
     
    Several times in the last few weeks when I've brought up Todd in some form or fashion, my boss will add "But she's just a newlywed"
     
    This happened yesterday at book club - we had read "Let's Roll" - which is the story of Todd and Lisa Beamer. Todd Beamer was one of the 9-11 heros who was on the plane that crashed on in the field.
     
    At some point during the discussion, I mentioned that it was hard for me to read the part of the book that took place during and after 9-11, because my husband's name is Todd.
     
    To which my boss said "But she's just a newlywed", to which the other people in the book club just said "Ah" and gave knowing looks.
     
    WTF!!!!
     
    Just because I'm a newlywed I can't not want my husband to die... apparently I can't talk about my husband or marriage until I'm not a newlywed!! I'm sure after October rolls around, it's going to turn into "But she's only been married a year"
     
    GRRRRR!!
     
    Oh, my boss also did insult my marriage. We were at lunch one day not long ago, and we were talking about laundry, when I said that our laundry hadn't merged yet (I feel no need to do Todd's laundry, and I'm sure he feels no need to do mine), and she said "Well, since you don't do your laundry together and you have seperate money, it's like you are not even married."
     
    Again, WTF!!!
     
    So, annoying!!
  12. Eoywin
    First, an update on the grey kitty. Our neighbors are currently renting the house next to us, but are looking for a house to buy. They are currently feeding the grey kitty, and planning on taking it to the vet, and taking it with them when they move.
     
    They don't have any pets, and they are rather nice, so it's for the best, since Todd and I don't have time to introduce a new pet into our house.
     
    We spent nearly the entire weekend cleaning, so our house is as clean as it's ever been, and we are now completely unpacked. Of course, Todd's parents brought him a bunch of crap with them, but he'll have to deal with that.
     
    They also brought our kitchen table, which I'm geeked to have. I have to go to Target today anyway, so I'll get a cool 4th of July table cloth.
     
    I'm at work right now, then hopefully I can finish the wedding invitations today (did a ton yesterday after the cleaning) and kinda relax since I'm rather tired.
     
    Our BBQ is tomorrow, so hopefully that will be fun!
  13. Eoywin

    On Birthdays

    By Eoywin,

    Today would have been my mom's 55th birthday if she was alive, and it's Todd's 31st birthday, so I feel a bit conflicted.
     
    I find a bit creepy that my mom and my husband have the same birthday. Mostly because he never met her, and we didn't start dating until after she died.
     
    Birthdays are a big deal to me, so I try and make the people I love's birthday a little special. This weekend, I took Todd out to eat and to the movies. He doesn't really like birthdays, so that's about all the fuss he'll let me make
     
    Today I'm taking him out to lunch, and finishing his cake (I was too tired to frost it last night).
  14. Eoywin
    On the way into work this morning, I heard about the foiled terrorist plot that has shut down the big airport in London, and has made changes come about even over here, about what you can or cannot have in a carryon.
     
    This makes me very nervous when I think about flying again. I'm really hoping to talk Todd out of flying to Disney, since it would be a waste of money. But, we are going to have to fly, when we go to Europe in 2008.
     
     
    This whole thing also effects my job, as parts from overseas are air freighted in. I even have a supplier in England, and the parts I get from there are air freighted from London. I'm glad that I wasn't needing a shipment to go out today, and hopefully the airport will be back in business soon.
     
    Now, on to bridezillas!
     
    There is a show on WE that is called 'Bridezillas'. I tape it every Sunday night, and usually watch it on Monday. A lot times the brides that are featured on the show, are being unreasonable and overly stressing themselves out, but usually calm down once the ceremony is over.
     
    Not the girl on last Sunday's episode. She was pissed off her entire wedding day. She had a pretty decent reason to be pissed (her in-laws were late, causing her wedding to start an hour and a half late), but I would hate to be that bride and look back at the video and see how unhappy I was on my wedding day.
     
    Yes, I'm pretty stressed out over everything right now (though honestly work is more a stressor than the wedding right now), but I'm going to be happy and enjoy my special day. And I don't think I've ever been as unreasonable as the brides on 'Bridezilla'.
  15. Eoywin

    On getting older

    By Eoywin,

    When I was in college, this is how my typical Saturday would go.
     
    I'd be up at 4 am, so I could be to work at 5 am (I worked at McDonald's). I would work until about noon, then I'd head home.
     
    I've veg around the house until about 3:30, then it would be time to get ready for the LARP (live action role play).
     
    We would LARP from about 5 until midnight, and then we would go to Lil Chef or Shoney's for food.
     
    Afterwards, sometimes a group of people would end up at my townhouse, and we talk until 4 am.
     
    I wonder sometimes how I managed to do that!
     
    Now I usually sleep in until about 9 or 10 am, clean the house, run errands. In the evenings, Todd and I will watch a movie, but I'm usually ready to go to sleep by 10 pm.
     
    Sad, isn't it?
  16. Eoywin

    On Headaches

    By Eoywin,

    I have a disease called 'Daily Chronic Headaches' - the short explanation is that I've had the same headache since August 2003.
     
    I think my ordeal since August 2003 started with a trip to Michigan's Adventure. It's an amusement park in Muskegon, MI, that has a water park and a regular amusement park (their slogan is 2 parks for the price of one).
     
    My best friend at the time and I went there on a very hot August Saturday, and spent nearly all day in the water park.
     
    It was fun, but I'm positive that it lead to an ear infection.
     
    I started feeling sick not long after this, and I went to the doctor several times, only to be told it's a virus (aka they have no clue what's wrong).
     
    I was sick for a month, and so sick that it got to the point that I had to go to the hospital and miss a week's worth of work. At the hospital, I was told I had strep throat and an ear infection. Because my regular doctor never diagnosed the ear infection, my ear was permently damaged.
     
    This is also when my headaches started. My doctor gave me FMLA for my headaches, otherwise I would have been fired for missing the weeks worth of work. It was good that I did get it, because I ended up using nearly all of it up.
     
    The next 9 months, I spent in and out of the hospital with the headaches. My regular doctor put me on every known headache / migraine medicine he knew of, and none of them worked.
     
    I went to a neurologist (he thought I was crazy), and other specialists - no-one could help me and my life was falling apart.
     
    One of my co-workers convinced me to try chiropractic, and it ended up being a Godsend to me. I could return to some degree of normalcy.
     
    Even though, I don't miss work anymore, and I don't usually miss social things, and the fact that I don't look sick, doesn't change the fact that I'm in constant pain.
     
    I have to watch what I eat, how active I am, make sure I get extra sleep, and I still have my bad days.
     
    Today is a bad day - thunderstorms are moving into the area, which always sets off my headaches, and getting upset yesterday didn't help.
     
    So, I'm trying to make it through work, and then I'll go home and go to bed.
  17. Eoywin
    My inlaws are driving me insane. I like them and all, but I hope they don't come back to visit for a long, long, long time.
     
    My mother in law tends to be really, really, really judgemental, and tries taking over things. She basically took over the bbq yesterday. She also took the wallpaper off in our bedroom (which I should add, I did quite a bit of myself), and primer-ed and painted that wall. Well, splaking (I have no idea how to spell that this morning) took place because there was a bunch of holes in the wall, and yesterday she tried to vacum up the splakle (sp?).
     
    Well, the vacum started to smoke, and she decided that it wasn't because she vacumed up the splakle, but because we hadn't changed the bag on it.
     
    We have hard wood floors, and only really use one room with carpet, so we don't need to vacum that often. But she proceded to bitch about it the rest of the evening (she also vacummed our hard wood floors, which pissed Todd off to the point that he unplugged the vacum)
     
    Plus their idea of cleaning is driving me nuts too. This includes Todd's grandmother too. I had to move stuff around in the kitchen because they put it away wrong (which isn't that big of a deal, but I'm wearing thin on patience because of tiredness). And what took the cake was this morning, at 6:30 am, I was in the bathroom getting ready for work. I went to comb my hair, and my comb was no where to be found.
     
    I keep a comb in the shower, for combing my hair out in the shower, and that's where both my combs were! Why in the world would I need two combs in the shower? It really irritated me.
     
    Plus, because of them being here, I haven't slept well since Sunday, so I'm exhausted. This is honestly the last thing I needed right now. What I need is a break, but instead I got a long weekend of being irritated and exhausted.
     
    Yesterday wasn't all bad. Our friends, Alice and Josh came over for the bbq, and I'm soooo glad that they did. We talked and watched tv, until it was time to eat, then we ate. Afterwards, we played quite a few games of 'Apples to Apples', then attempted to play Trival Pursuit - the 90's edition, but ran out of time.
     
    We headed over to Alice and Josh's place around 9, because we were going to watch the Lake Julian fireworks. But it started downpouring, thundering and lightening while we were driving over there, so Todd & I decided that we would just go home (after we went to their house and told them) because even if it stopped storming in time to have the fireworks, the ground would still probably be wet, and it wouldn't be that fun.
     
    I was pretty bummed out though, I was looking forward to seeing the fireworks.
     
    My inlaws are suppose to be leaving by 4 today, and I hope to God they are gone by the time I get home from work.
  18. Eoywin

    On Religion

    By Eoywin,

    I've been a Christian since I was born. My dad was Lutheran from birth, and my mom basically converted from Lutheran in name to Lutheran in practice.
     
    I believe in the Christian God, and have had those 'whoa, he's touching my soul' moments.
     
    But, I have some beliefs that rather go against some ideals that some Christians have.
     
    I know there are ghosts, and I believe in magic and the possibilty of other gods and goddesses (I've never had a 'whoa' moment with any other deity, but I'm not discounting their existance) - if I ever get some time to devote to it, I'd love to be able to research / learn more about some pagan paths. And I really, really want to learn how to read tarot cards.
     
    My mom looked at my horoscope when I was born, and it said something to the effect I would be very religious. She always took that to be Christian religious, which I have been for the most part. Heck, I seriously toyed with the idea of becoming a Pastor when I was in college.
     
    But I have to wonder sometimes if that meant something beyond the Christian religion.
  19. Eoywin

    On Vacations and Costumes

    By Eoywin,

    I haven't written in this blog forever, but I will attempt to be better at it.
     
    With my new job and new found happyness, I don't have much to say in internet land anymore.
     
    There is always so much more to talk about when you are unhappy I guess *L*
     
    My day to day life is pretty boring, so I'll spare all of you that. Instead, I'll talk about the trips I'm planning on taking this year.
     
    The first is Dragon*Con which is defined as such on their website:
     
    Dragon*Con is America's largest, multi-media, popular arts convention focusing on science fiction and fantasy, gaming, comics, literature, art, music, and film.
     
    Dragon*Con is Labor Day weekend in Atlanta, GA
     
    I've known about Dragon*Con for about 4 or 5 years now (maybe longer), and I've always wanted to go. Luckily, our first Asheville friends go every year, so I have someone to share a hotel with.
     
    The only downside to Dragon*Con is that my husband can't come, because of work But we decided that there was no reason I shouldn't go.
     
    So, I love costumes and cosplaying, so I'm of course planning on wearing costumes for Dragon*Con. I'll be bringing at least one old costume, and making one new costume. I'm not the best sewer in the world, so making costumes is hard for me. I used to be friends with someone who could sew and she'd make my costumes, but since we've had a rather large falling out, so I'm forced to make my own costume.
     
    This is the costume I'm making for Dragon*Con:
     

     
    It's the girl in the pink frilly dress (oftentimes called the Cupcake Dress).
     
    Since I'm not the best at sewing, I'm starting out with a base dress, and adding th e ruffles and the other bits. My boss (who is also becoming my friend) told me about this really neat thrift store she goes to, and I met her yesterday. I found a dress that could be my base dress (and for 50 cents!), but when I got home, it was a little tight - I couldn't zip it up all the way. Though that could be my arms not being able to reach all the way around.
     
    So, I'm geeked about that. I'll probably post pictures as the process goes along.
     
    The other vacation I'm really excited for is our Disney honeymoon! Though since this post has already gotten long, I post more about that later.
  20. Eoywin
    I came to a realization yesterday, after emailing back and forth with my sister.
     
    My family is so absorbed in their own lives, that they couldn't give two shits about my wedding (and me).
     
    My sister doesn't want to do anything that will put her out in the least (like sleeping on the floor for one night - the night before my wedding), and thinks that my gameplan for the wedding day is dumb. Oh, and she thinks is stupid to have my MIL be our hair dresser (she's really quite good, and free).
     
    My sister and I have never gotten along, since we are like night and day. She was the one obssessed with popularity in high school, where I was the shy, quiet, geeky girl. My sister has also never grown out of the phase where she thinks she is always right (therefore, I'm always wrong).
     
    My dad changed a lot after my mom died, which is to be expected. Except he changed into someone who is very self-absorbed. He made my life more miserable when my headaches first started, because I was living at home, and he'd wouldn't believe that I was feeling as sick as I did. He'd goad me into fights, even though he'd know that if I got too upset and cried too much, it would trigger a migraine-worthy headache that would land me in the hospital.
     
    He got married in June, and doesn't really bother with me anymore. He'll call if he wants something, but that's it. He'll go with his wife to Philly to visit her daugther (they have done this several times in the last year), but he has yet to come and visit me.
     
    Plus he ditched me when we were moving, to meet his now wife for the first time. That really hurt, because I really needed his help.
     
    I'm not a selfish person. I'd do anything for my friends, but this quality seems to be a rare one, and one that drives people away.
     
    I used to have a group of friends, but they all decided enmasse that they didn't want to be friends with me. Apparently, asking them to call or email once a month or so, so I didn't always have to be the one calling / emailing / visiting was too much for them. I would have done anything for them, because they were my friends, but instead all they did was ditch me and hurt me, and then say horrible things on lj after I said I no longer wanted to be friends with them.
     
    So, for some reason people don't like me. I have two friends now, but we aren't super close. I've really tried to make new friends, but I haven't been sucessful in the least.
     
    Now that I realize that my family really doesn't want that much to do with me either, I have to wonder why I'm such an undesirable person to be around.
  21. Eoywin

    Presents

    By Eoywin,

    I feel slightly bad, and greedy... but I love presents!
     
    I, of course, got a lot of neat things for my bridal shower this past weekend, but it sucks because I couldn't taken hardly anything back with me because I was flying and only had a large-ish duffel bag (I didn't want to mess with checking luggage in).
     
    Luckily, my sister had the foresight to just mail my presents, and put pictures in the card she gave me. So I have a brand new spice rack (with spices in it!) and a 4 canister set (which I plan on putting flour and sugar in two of them).
     
    Todd is home sick (he's got a nasty stomach bug), and emailed me that we had a package. I called him, and had him open it while I was on the phone (work is dull, I wanted a little excitement )
     
    We are now the proud owners of a 6 mixing bowl set! It was sent by someone who couldn't make my shower.
     
    I really hope people send us wedding presents in the mail, so we don't have to haul all the presents back from Michigan... and because I love packages with presents in them!
     

  22. Eoywin

    Sad

    By Eoywin,

    I've been really sad this week... overwhemling so.
     
    Wedding planning is hard, especially since my mom is gone, and I don't really have any help in NC. Todd helps when he can, but it's at the stage that he isn't interested in - making favors, getting the invitations ready, and such.
     
    I was looking forward to having the couple days off over the 4th to get some of this wedding stuff done, and now I'm dreading the 4th because my in-laws are coming to visit.
     
    I'm afraid I'll be kicked out of my own bedroom (my in-laws helped us move, and took over our bedroom. The first week of our marriage we couldn't even sleep together!) - I don't sleep well to begin with, but I really don't want to have to sleep on a blow up bed, then have to go to work for 10 + hours, then have to come home to 'entertain'. The very thought makes me want to cry.
     
    I'm really sad that the SC meet and sniff isn't going to happen. I know I shouldn't have gone anyway because of the money, and because of the messy house, but I probably would have gone. I had been looking forward to it for quite a while now
     
    And again, I wish I had friends - girl friends, mostly. I don't have anyone really to blather on about wedding stuff, to come to my fittings with me, to help me with invitations, to watch girly movies, and talk about things only girls can understand.
     
    I miss having a best girl friend... and I even miss the best girl friend I had in college (though she become quite a crappy friend the last couple years of our friendship).
     
    Life is hard... and I really try to keep upbeat (I know, it's hard to tell from my posts), but with feeling sick all the time (my lovely headaches insure that I'm in pain, all day every day) and being so lonely, it's hard to keep happy.
  23. Eoywin

    Sadness

    By Eoywin,

    The forum is messed up for me and a handful of other people. It's a real chore to try and read anything on the forums, since I have to wade through error screens, and having the forum jump back to the main page.
     
    Because of this, I haven't been around the forums as much as I usually would be, and I'm feeling disconnected from the entire bpal fandom which makes rather sad
     
    I've been missing my mom an awful lot as of late too, which makes me feel sad as well. I think the stress of the wedding, and the fact that it is only 5 months away, is wearing on me.
  24. Eoywin

    Sleet/Freezing Rain Day

    By Eoywin,

    Everyone is calling today a 'snow day' - but now there isn't any snow - it all was washed away by the 'wintery mix'!
     
    This morning I get up, and look outside - there is a little bit of snow on Todd's but it didn't look icy, so I got dressed and went to work. The roads were fine.
     
    Well, about an hour after I got to work, it started sleeting out, and kept sleeting. In my department, we were debating on what to do (my boss's mom and husband kept calling her, telling her to come home), all the higher ups started paging each other.
     
    People who've been there longer than me (which is just about everyone), said that they were probably going to shut down because of the weather, which they did end up shutting the whole company down.
     
    I nearly fell on my butt leaving work (it is darn icy out there), but the drive home wasn't too bad. I only slipped once, and that was when I was nearing home. The highway wasn't fun though, since semi's kept passing me.
     
    So, it sucks because I only worked 2 hours today, but I'm glad I work for a company that puts the safety of their employees first.
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