Apple

Cherry cough drops, then black licorice, then black gum drops, eventually grape-y. Yuck. It finally softens into something less offensive to my nose, but it's definitely not for me. Of course, I loathe anise/black licorice; if you like anise, you will love this.

This ties with Vampire Tears as the worst scent ever, and for the same reason. Upon contact with my skin, both of these fragrances give off a weird musty note that, coupled with their sweetness, ends up reminding me of gum being chewed by someone with bad breath. Oh god, it's so powerful, gross, and distracting. I can't figure out what notes these two have in common or why this might be, but if anyone has any ideas, I would love to hear them. If I never smell that smell again, it will be too soon.

Oh, I had such hopes for this one! I am one of the lemon Pledge/floor cleaner people (meaning that although I love the smell of fresh citrus fruits, citrus scents often turn unbearably chemically-smelling on my skin), and so I was intrigued to read that this is lighter than Embalming Fluid. I thought perhaps I would just get a pleasant lemony freshness... but no. No, it's pretty much instant Lemon Death on me, gradually fading to Lemon Death Lite, and finally... hamsters. Yes, you read that right. Like picking up a hamster out of a cage with cedar shavings and nuzzling it, only to discover that someone spritzed it with lemon Pledge. This may have been the weirdest morph ever.

When I first tried this one, I was testing a bunch of other fragrances. The oil in the imp is quite thick, and I ended up applying a giant, viscous drop that just sat there on my skin for quite awhile, finally dispersing into a large, semi-circular oily patch on my arm. In spite of this generous application, I could barely smell Sri Lanka. It was so faint, I thought perhaps I was experiencing a scent "blind spot" for the first time. I tried it again on its own the next day, and I was pleased to discover that not only could I smell it, but that it smelled very good indeed! It is a very light fragrance, and at a certain point in the dry-down it threatens to turn into powder, but thankfully it never does. Sri Lanka sticks very close to the skin and smells like wonderful sandalwood incense with just a hint of a nice, clean citrus floating around in the background. Yum.

I bought this for my partner, because he smells delicious in aquatics (and because Calico Jack just smelled like men's shaving cream on both of us). But, of course, I had to try it first. Oh. my. god. I almost want to keep it for myself, but I think it might be even more incredible on him. If so, he'll never be able to wear it in public without me dragging him off to some secluded spot and promptly ravishing him. Ahem. Anyway, this went on very light and almost floral at first. But then... then! It morphs into yummy salty sea air. Clean without being crisp, cool yet infinitely nuzzle-able, I couldn't stop sniffing my wrist. Perfect! ETA: I discovered after buying a bottle from the Lab that this scent is best aged. The new bottle was all ozone-y freshness without the delicious salty wood of the first imp. However, after mixing it with Everclear to make a spray and allowing it to rest for a couple of weeks, it's developing those yummy characteristics.

This does not smell like wine or dirt on me. Rather, it smells very fresh and green with a hint of berries... when I was hoping for a deep, robust red wine and dark, black soil. My partner (who LOVES Nosferatu) detects a dirt note, but it is not the right one for me. It does make me think of gardening, but it's more of a plant-smell than a soil-smell. That being said, the fragrance is very pleasant, light, and unisex.

Very dark and almost burnt smelling at first, then a note of... menthol? eucalyptus?... creeps forward, only to be suffocated by baby powder. I catch whiffs of vetiver here and there, but mostly it's just baby powder. A second attempt was no more successful. My partner remarked that it smelled like "burnt bug spray" and that the knowledge that such a scent existed was soul-killing, or something like that. Decidedly not a positive reception.

This is very interesting. I was expecting a sort of golden syrupy amber scent for some reason, but The Lion is much drier and lighter than I would have expected... more the scent of pale yellow, dried grasses. It's one of the very, very rare non-sweet BPALs I've encountered, and it was a pleasant surprise. My partner could smell cinnamon in the bottle, but none at all on my skin.

Powdery and clean, this is reminding me of something, but I'm not sure what (a lot of the BPAL fragrances do that to me). Maybe some kind of soap? I'm not sure this is my kind of scent. The coconut surfaces later... a sort of watery coconut, like how skin with suntan oil smells after a long day of swimming. Someone earlier mentioned "dead coconuts," and I can absolutely get that. Maybe not dead, but definitely exhausted.

Holy apricot! I enjoy apricots, whether fresh or dried or in jam, but I wasn't sure if I would like smelling like one. March Hare alternated between smelling exactly like apricot jam and smelling like Strawberry Shortcake's friend Apricot. The dry-down had just a hint of cloves and was much more scented-doll-like. The fragrance was light, sweet, and faded quickly. Not unpleasant, but not my thing.

I had to try this one purely for the descriptor "truck stop sleaze". I worked at a truck stop all four years of high school, and I'm well acquainted with the smells therein. Thankfully, Roadhouse smells nothing like a truck stop or its inhabitants. At first it just smells like white flowers, but then the hops come out, giving it a beer-y quality. The dry-down is a curious blend of the two: like white flowers misted with a Pilsner. It's actually not unpleasant, but it's also not me.

"Shaving cream, shaving cream, shave every day and you'll always look keen..." Smelled like men's shaving cream. Putting this on one hand and Cathode (which smelled like Listerine to me) on the other, I had the exact scent of my father's face in the morning, before he splashed it with "Old Spice" aftershave. Not an unpleasant memory, but not how I want to smell, either.

Ewww! Exactly like original flavor Listerine. Putting this on one hand and Calico Jack (which smelled like shaving cream to me) on the other, I had the exact scent of my father's face in the morning, before he splashed it with "Old Spice" aftershave. Not an unpleasant memory, but not how I want to smell, either.

... Luxuriant amber, warm Egyptian musk, fierce saffron and soft myrrh, almond, cardamom and golden lotus. Wet, it is very sweet and almost fruity at first, which surprised me. It morphs quickly, however, into the most beautiful spiced amber scent. Gorgeous. Bastet acts like a "second skin" scent on me, and I positively love it. I could just eat myself while wearing it! (Although I don't find it foody in the least.)

The first time I tried this, it screamed VANILLA so loudly that I couldn't detect much else. But persistence paid off, and White Rabbit has become one of my favorite fragrances. It is a very sweet/clean scent, which is not typically my style, but this is so comforting and cheering. On me, it has a very clean laundry-like start, and this is also when the tea note is most apparent. It then moves into a warm milk-and-sugar phase (think flan) and then finishes with a soft, edible sweetness. I don't ordinarily go for sweet vanilla foody scents, but White Rabbit is an exception. ETA: I recently made a perfume spray using a new imp of White Rabbit and some Everclear, and the scent is dramatically different. I'm not sure if it was the new imp or if it was mixing the oil with alcohol, but the "clean linen" and tea scents are virtually absent and the honey scent is amped in a major way. It's not unpleasant (assuming you like honey), but it's nowhere near as interesting, complex, or fresh. I will report back if it changes substantially with age. Edit #2: After buying a bottle from the Lab, I can confirm that it's the alcohol that destroys the "clean linen" top note. The new bottle definitely has that delicate, fresh note, and it's retained when mixed with jojoba oil (for a roller bottle) but vanishes when mixed with Everclear. FYI.

Ugh! This was like a cloyingly sweet men's cologne. It reminded me of "English Leather" by Dana (which I don't like), and it was so strong that even after washing it off it hung around forever, making me feel ill.

Ick! A gross bubblegum scent mixed with something unpleasantly spicy... almost musty, like gum being chewed by someone with very bad breath. Very artificial, sweet, and nasty. I just re-read the notes, and I can't imagine what would be causing it to smell this way. I only wish it would have smelled like lemony cake on me! Ordinarily I would give Vampire Tears a second try in a week or two, but this is the first BPAL scent that I feel I just can't bear to try again. It was stomach-churningly repulsive to me; even the memory makes me shudder.

Initially, this scent is very mandarin orange-y and perfumey, and I was pretty sure I didn't like it. But it sweetens pleasantly on the dry-down, and there's an attractive note I can't identify that comes out at the end. I think it's the amber, and it's very nice, but I'm afraid this scent is a bit too sophisticated for my taste.

Loviatar shares something in common with Coyote and also "English Leather" by Dana (neither of which I like). I think it must be the leather note... a brown leather, when I was hoping for black leather. Loviatar has that same cloyingly sweet heaviness that they both have. Later something... black licorice-like? surfaced. There is something attractive here, but I'm not sure this is going to work out. Edit: tried it again later and definitely do not like this. Joins Wanda and Iago as scents that broke my heart. Thankfully De Sade still loves me!

Nothing but baby powder out of this one, which was so heart-breaking because I was sure Iago was going to be my signature scent. I have DSH's "Vetyver" and "Black Leather" scents, and I love to layer them for a "standing in the rain while wearing a black leather motorcycle jacket" smell, and I was hoping Iago would be like that. Alas, no. How could such a dark, earthy, "masculine" blend smell so light and innocent and powdery-feminine? I suspect the black musk.

I really wanted to like this, because the description makes it sound divine. I was a little nervous due to the floral components (I don't typically care for florals), but I was completely unprepared for the blast of artificial grape scent that Wanda starts out with! On me, this was grape candy with a hint of perfumey-ness underneath, like a kid who's just eaten a grape popsicle and has it smeared all over her face playing with her mom's perfume. Definitely NOT sexy. So sad.

Bergamot, bergamot, bergamot! That's all she wrote. And fifteen minutes later, even that was gone. No leather, no tea, no lasting power. It is citrusy and fresh and would be good for someone who enjoys very light fragrances, but it doesn't have enough depth for me.

The first time I wore this, all I could smell was cloyingly sweet coconuts. The scent made me think of suntan oil and my mother, which really did not fit with my expectations based on the description (particularly since coconut isn't even listed). I considered snipping off the label and giving the imp to my mom, but something made me give it a try a week or so later. The coconut scent still popped out front and center, but after time the tobacco note became more pronounced, making it smell like coconut-flavored pipe tobacco. Although still very sweet, it was much mellower and really grew on me. If tweed had a scent, this would be it. ETA: Very interesting. I obtained a second imp of this from the Lab, and it's very different from the first. The tobacco scent is far more pronounced, and the coconuts are absent. Both imps were purchased directly from the Lab, and I've aged them both for a couple of months. The first one is still decidedly coconutty, and the second one is decidedly not. So apparently there is a fairly pronounced batch variation.

The leather note in De Sade is similar to the one in "Black" by Bulgari (which was a favorite of mine for several years). Similarly, I don't find that this scent so much smells like black leather as it is evocative of black leather, especially when wet. As it dries, De Sade goes through three distinct phases on my skin: it is smoky at first, and then it smells very similar to AIRS "China Moon" incense (which is described as "exotically vibrant musk"), and then it finally dries down to a soapy, just-stepped-out-of-the-shower clean smell with an underlying sweetness. I had several friends sniff me after I had been wearing it for a few hours, and they all commented on how clean and fresh the scent was. It's not as leathery as I had hoped it would be, but I still really like it.

I haven't sniffed Thirteen, but if you like tobacco and coconut, you might like Perversion. It smells just like coconut-scented pipe tobacco, at least on me. It's also fairly strong and long-lasting.