Yesterday I went in for the next stage of my tattoo. This session was color, shading, and reworking my old tattoo to make it part of the new design. I'd been pretty psyched all week for my appointment but Sunday morning I was feeling some trepidation. Maybe it was because the feeling of the needle was still fresh in my mind or maybe it was something non-tattoo related but I was not in a good mindset for tattooing when I got to the shop.

Outlining the old ink wasn't so bad but it seemed harder for me to adjust to the pain. It was especially intense when the artist started shading in the areas around the old design to join it with the new. It seemed to go on and on and I could swear that all my skin was gone and she was working directly on the bone. The odd thing was there were some parts that hurt so much I thought I'd start crying and others two milimeters away that felt like nothing. I'm guessing this was different because I've never had much more than an outline and extensive shading was a whole new kettle of fish (not to mention more needles). I didn't cry and in fact I hardly made more than one or two exclamations the whole session but inside I felt like I wasn't handling it was well. It seemed much more mentally taxing than physically.

I had scheduled three hours but at the two and a half mark I had reached my limit. I could feel my instincts making me want to shrink from the needle and felt that it was probably a good time to stop. It seemed to me like I was wussing out...like I hadn't accomplished what needed to be done. She'd hardly started to use color - just a bit of dark blue in some areas - when I said 'uncle'. It wasn't until I looked in the mirror and saw that most of the work was on my old tattoo and now it looked crisp and dark and brand new (and, really, I guess it was). The whole bottom of the design had a new intensity from the dark accents. It looked amazing.

My next appointment is almost a month away but I think that's a good thing. It will give me time to heal and adjust and prepare myself for the next stage. I'm truly amazed at anyone who can sit for hours under the needle. Maybe someday I can work up to that but for now I need to take small steps.