I think you probably aren't the "bar crowd" type. And you probably aren't a huge extrovert who wants to come blowing in, be the life of the party and get everyone's attention. Nothing against extroverts (I have several extremely extroverted friends), but they do the best in bars, yelling over the top of music, holding brief conversations and generally bouncing around from person to person. I'm an introvert who has developed her extroverted side very well, and going to bars was never my milieu. I do OK if I go to them now, but they kind of wear me out. Give me a coffeehouse any day. When I used to go to bars in my more introverted days, I always cultivated an aura of insouciant mystery. I was actually too shy to go running around talking to people!

So don't be bummed, really. It just wasn't your kind of scene.

I think you're right, valentina. I'm fine when I'm with several people I know. I can even talk with strangers then.. I think it's because even if I'm not standing with them, they are my safety net. Like when a child never really strays too far from mom at the play ground.

The psych types always say (and I believe it is true), that introverted people tend to develop deeper friendships, and extroverts have a ton of acquaintances. Extroverts often marvel at, and sometimes envy, the deep and abiding friendships that introverts are capable of developing. Introverts get their energy from within and need to recharge their batteries by being alone. Extroverts get energy from other people, and thus, they thrive at bars and scenes with lots of people.

The thing is, most of the people there yesterday probably didn't even notice that you felt like you were fading into the woodwork. Again, no offense against extroverts, but sometimes I have to tell my very extroverted friends to be a bit more sensitive to other people's feelings. Some of them are normally so busy talking and carrying on that they don't notice what's going on around them. And there certainly is a range of extroversion, and I have friends who are on the extreme end of the extroversion scale. I do have to pick and choose when I want to be around them, and if I'm in a really pensive mood, they are the last thing that I need. But they're my friends, so I obviously don't mind them that much!

It truly is the way you're wired... your place to shine just isn't in a bar.

I have what I like to call "tunnel hearing" which makes it nigh impossible for me to hear someone talking to me in a loud, crowded bar. Throw in a live band and I'm absolutely useless socially.

On the Myers-Briggs scale of things, The Mister and I are an exact match except that he's Introverted, and I'm Extroverted.

I think we complement eachother well. I do better in large groups (being the Life of the Party/Stand-up Comedianne) and he handles more intimate gatherings really well. Together we sort of tag team social situations.

But I understand how you feel, even as a somewhat hard-headed extrovert. It's very difficult to find compatible footing with a new person even in the most controlled circumstances.