The year really can't get any worse. It got so bad tonight that I've slathered not only Western Diamondback but also Banded Sea Snake. Work. Relationship. Stress. Gender. I won't go into it. I won't do an emotional vomit here.

And while I didn't know him, we've lost another guy to suicide. He's the second NZ transguy this year. I didn't really know him well, had read his posts on the board. It brings all my own transangst/issues/Darkness close.

Debating between Western Diamondback tomorrow or Alone. Both are comforting. I've got a roller bottle of WDB at work so if I go with Alone I can still slather in the afternoon.

I pinged a friend on Gmail. She's in Colorado so was getting ready to go to bed but took a few minutes to chat and I really appreciate it. I re-read my pm from Beth here saying she knew things were tough & to keep my head up. Both those things helped.

It's late. I'm exhausted after the day & night I've had. And I woke up suddenly at 3:30, was up for about 15 minutes trying to get back to sleep.

I'll look back on all this one day and see how far I've come.