Really, I don't know myself any more!

I'm so tired that I could start to cry - but I slept enough and good! But I'm so desperately tired that the line between "normal at work" and "having a breakdown and cry for a while" is pretty thin ...

It is so good to know that today is Friday and I can go home soon and then I will lay down in our wonderful bed and sleep. I will stand up shortly before Olli can go home and I will prepare something to eat. Then we'll go to the grocery store and after that I won't do anything anymore.

Tomorrow we'll go to a barbecue - only for 1-2 hours and after that to my friends birthday party. On Sunday I'll visit my parents because my relatives will be there.

----- got a mail in the meantime. Olli will eat with his coworkers ... the good thing: I don't have to prepare anything for him. The bad thing: I already decided yesterday what to eat today and because it was something new I was excited about it ... I love eating. And normally cooking. Well, there is no use in preparing the meal I planed, it's too much for one person and tomorrow it won't be as good any more.

Anyway, I guess my bad mood - it does not feel like a "mood" - may be it is because of my hand. It really hurts. A lot. And it's not getting better. I hope the weekend will bring some improvement. If not I will have to see a doctor next week. Which won't be good. My boss knows that my relatives come to visit and it will look like skipping work. I hope it's not a tendovaginitis ... I had already one and besides that it is not nice (specially for someone who works on an computer and loves to paint, write and do all kind of stuff with the hands - well, this sure sounds weird!) it will mean that I have to stay away from work for some time - which is something that makes me feel bad. I am afraid to never get an perpetual job and I feel remorse. I never skipped work or school - when I stay at home it is always for a good reason. But still ... I feel guilty and bad about it.

4h30min to go ... then I will have to drive approx. 30 min till I'm home (driving is terrible because of the hand) and then: