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Boyf's Family Event: Am I Evil?

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Jenesis

Entry posted by Jenesis ·

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I really need to get my thoughts in order about this.

 

I met the boy at the beginning of last year, as he's in my Physics class. We started going out in February. In about March (while we were still at Uni), his mum emailed him about his grandfather's 80th birthday event thing, which is today. She also invited me, in a "Does Jenny want to come too?" sense. I turned down the offer, for these reasons:

- I hadn't even met his family yet, let alone got to know them.

- I didn't want to intrude on a family event.

- It's very selfish I know, but I didn't want to be the "outsider", where I wouldn't know anybody and everyone would be laughing at in-jokes and talking about people I don't know and whatnot.

 

So I politely declined, saying that I didn't want to intrude. However, apparently all the other girlfriends/boyfriends/partners of the family are going. And I'm the only one who hasn't. So I seem like the unsociable scrooge who isn't interested in his family. What if they hate me forever because of this?

 

I should also say that, having met them last month, I would definitely go to a family event if invited now. One of the cousins is getting married soon, and I'm hoping to be invited to that so I can meet some more of his family (if they're as lovely as his parents, I can't wait!), and also hopefully patch up this little boo boo.

 

But anyway, I guess I'm confused. I felt justified in my decision not to go at the time, but I'm not so sure now. And it's too late anyway. So I'm beating myself up about it, because I'm worried that his parents won't like me any more, and they're such nice people that I don't want to upset them (and as I'm hoping they'll become my in-laws in the future, I definitely want to start on the right foot!).

 

Any thoughts/advice..? :cry2:

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Ah Xia

If they hate you for that, they're not a nice family at all! I'm sure they wouldn't think ill of you. But the person planning the party was thinking to include you so you wouldn't feel left out. There's no harm in not going...or changing your mind if you DO want to go. My husband went to a lot of family things with me when we were dating, and there weren't really that many inside jokes or anything...I often don't know what to say to my family. So having a different person there (my husband is really talkative) made it easier for me. If you don't feel comfortable going to a big party, I wouldn't feel bad. Although, in one sense a big party might be easier to go to...then there's not as much attention on you, since it is for the grandfather after all.

 

If you don't want to go, maybe write up a nice card to give the grandfather to send along with your bf, something of a congratulations on reaching such a milestone? Or maybe you can sign your boyfriend's card?

 

Families can be stressful but I honestly don't think they will think badly of you if you declined graciously. Or if you do now want to go, I'm sure they would be happy to welcome another person. What does your boyfriend want you to do? Does he mind if you don't go?

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Jenesis
If they hate you for that, they're not a nice family at all! I'm sure they wouldn't think ill of you. But the person planning the party was thinking to include you so you wouldn't feel left out. There's no harm in not going...or changing your mind if you DO want to go. My husband went to a lot of family things with me when we were dating, and there weren't really that many inside jokes or anything...I often don't know what to say to my family. So having a different person there (my husband is really talkative) made it easier for me. If you don't feel comfortable going to a big party, I wouldn't feel bad. Although, in one sense a big party might be easier to go to...then there's not as much attention on you, since it is for the grandfather after all.

 

If you don't want to go, maybe write up a nice card to give the grandfather to send along with your bf, something of a congratulations on reaching such a milestone? Or maybe you can sign your boyfriend's card?

 

Families can be stressful but I honestly don't think they will think badly of you if you declined graciously. Or if you do now want to go, I'm sure they would be happy to welcome another person. What does your boyfriend want you to do? Does he mind if you don't go?

 

I'm afraid the party has been and gone - it was this morning/afternoon, by UK time. And by the time I had changed my mind about going, last week, I thought it was too late - I thought they wouldn't appreciate a) another guest so suddenly, and b ) another person to fit in the car!

 

I may send a card to his parents myself, saying how sorry I was not to be there and wishing the granddad a happy birthday, maybe...

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