If you really want to read this, bear with me.

I wish we did not have a Spring Break, I'd rather get the year done a week sooner. Just as I get into the groove of going to class, doing work, etc, I stop short and take a week-long break. So when I return to school, I'm still in break-mode. Also, midterms right before Spring Break burn me out. I'm cutting class today because I just can't make myself go, it's too painful and I want it to be over already. Summer vacation is just around the corner, but there's this god-awful hump of papers and exams I need to get over first.

I've always hated school. I hated high school, and college is no different. I didn't want to to go college but my parents forced me to so here I am at NYU, miserable. Before I got here, I put a happy spin on it and thought to myself maybe I'll enjoy it, I'll grow intellectually. But I haven't. I can't grow intellectually when I'm fettered by deadlines, and cramming for exams, and writing papers. I read up a storm anyway, so I don't need classes and assignments to make me think or learn how to think.

Before LBJ and later Reagan (who heightened this mentality), if you wanted to be a journalist, you'd get a job as a copy boy, and you wouldn't become a copy boy for a newspaper or magazine unless you had a genuine interest in jounalism. Or you would write for your small-town local paper and get noticed from there. Nowadays, you become a journalist if you have a degree from Columbia. This is why journalism has been going down the shitter.

If I could do things over, I wouldn't have sat on Life in a Tree and Sunrise in Stalingrad for years and then dismissed them as rubbish I wrote in high school, deciding not to back them up when I got a new computer. I would have pitched them with the help of my father and hoped they landed somewhere. Instead, I'm stuck in hell, desperately wanting to claw my eyes out because any creative flames that were in me are being snuffed out by the drudgery of academia.

College is not for everyone, and it's certainly not for me. I find it positively mind-numbing. School makes me hate learning, it always has.

Sorry that this has nothing to do with BPAL, but it's something I want to get off my chest.

Mood:

Wearing now: Doc Constantine