I copy this psot from the "how are you feeling right now" thread to my blog. Mar 6 2007, 09:21 AM

Floating ... there are so many thoughts in my head that I can't concentrate on anything. I keep thinking about the car, the credit, my job, my coworkers, my possibilities, my dreams, what I'll have to do today when I get home, about what I should do right now, about having to talk to my boss today because of my holidays, about just sitting on the couch with my boy, eating a bit and watching a DVD, enjoying time ... abount the biggest part of my family which is living in another country than I do and about how much I miss them - but never calling them. Always having something to do and not the time and not the money ... wanting to show my parents how much I love them and not knowing how to do. Thinking about the painting I started for them - which is still unfinished. Afraid of everything and nothing. Knowing that a change would be good and knowing that it is not only in my hands. Writing the address of my uncle on a envelope and feeling empty because I don't live there. Writing the name of the country and knowing that I want to be there, that it is my real home - and knowing that I will never live there because I have a life HERE ... feeling so small on the one hand and on the other having the feeling that my toughts could fill the universe. Knowing that somehow all this is not important. And being angry because of that. It is important. Every second is. It is all to precious to be unimportant. Wanting to switch my thoughts off. Want time to keep in touch with all the people I love. Knowing that time is the biggest problem. Dreaming of just drinving to the next airport, go into a plane and then knock on my grandparents door, looking into their eyes and telling them how important they are for me - even if I don't see them often. Remembering sitting on my grandpas belly and telling that it is full of jelly. Knowing that one day I knock on their door and they won't open anymore.

 

Too many words, too many thoughts, too many things that should be done, knowing that I will do all the things that seem to be important like handling money, ordering a car, hoover the flat, do some paper stuff, apply for the other job. And not doing what would be really important. Making some phone calls, telling the people that I care. Should think again about priorities. Or should not think anymore. Just do what is in your heart. Not waiting for a good day to come, but making this day a good day.