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Moving forward

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parrot_suspect

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At long last, things seem to be looking up.

 

DH and I had a nice evening out to celebrate Valentine's Day. On Saturday, we hired a baby-sitter and made reservations for dinner at the Melting Pot. I don't know about you, but I looove fondue. I think it's a fun dining experience, and there really is no yummier way to end a meal than dipping fruit and cake into melted chocolate. Fondue meals take a long time -- we were at the restaurant for about 2.5 hours -- so that gave us plenty of time for conversation. Sometimes during the week we're so busy with the kids, we don't really have time or energy to connect with each other. It's good to feel that we're back on the same page, that we want the same things and we have goals to strive for.

 

I posted a while ago about DH being out of work. Yes, my Kevin Federline-ish spouse has been unemployed since November 2005. He's done some freelance work in the interim, but it definitely doesn't pay the bills; I've had to make a huge dent in our savings. It appears his ship has finally arrived -- he has two job offers. The only problem is, they're both out of state. There is a local company interested in him; they've interviewed him twice and had him in to do freelance work. If he gets an offer from this company, we can stay where we are, which is our preference. Please send all your positive vibes and thoughts for him to get an offer from the local company.

 

I'm still employed at the newspaper, still part-time (they wouldn't let me switch to full-time work) but taking on more responsibility. It's not the most dazzling career but I'm realizing how fortunate I am to be employed in the field of my choice, especially given how many publishing companies are laying people off right now.

 

There are a few situations in my life that still need improvement:

 

1. I'm a lousy wife. I am not good at cooking and cleaning. I cook maybe one or two nights a week; the rest of the time, it's fast food or Lean Cuisine. I realize this is bad, but I'm just too freakin' tired to cook after working all day, taking care of the kids after work (it's amazing how draining it is to pick up young children from daycare and do the whole dinner, bath, bedtime routine every night -- I just collapse afterwards!), and trying to keep the house somewhat tidy. But despite my efforts, the house always seems to be cluttered or in need of a clean-up; it's a Sisyphean task.

 

2. I tend not to pay my bills on time, which isn't a good thing. It's not that I don't have the money. I'm just too lazy to sit down and pay them. I've asked DH to take over this task but he's even worse at it than I am.

 

3. My mom's been dead for nearly a year, but I still miss her so much. So often, a thought crosses my mind that I want to share with her ... then I remember, "Oh, can't call her. She's dead." And it's like a punch in the gut. Nobody ever told me it would be this painful to lose a parent. I've still got this tremendous emptiness in my life where she used to be, and there doesn't seem to be a way to resolve it.

 

4. I'm spending too much money on "stuff," probably to try to fill this weird emptiness I have. I'm buying books, skincare, magazines, haircare, tea, and all kinds of crap. Never mind that I've been wearing the same four bras for the past 10 years, or that I don't have a pair of decent winter boots -- I'm buying stuff I don't really need, like trial kits of skincare, makeup, etc. I find those purchases more fun than clothing or shoes.

 

5. I'm eating too much candy and other sugary stuff. I've gained seven pounds in one month. True, I'm pregnant. But there's no reason for me to be eating sour gummy worms like a crazy woman at 11:30 p.m. every night, or scarfing Dunkin Donuts every weekend.

 

6. I need to be a better friend. I haven't been returning calls or sending birthday cards. It's not that I don't care about these people, who are an important part of my life; I just feel too lazy and lethargic to make calls, set up plans, etc. I'd like to even add some new friends to my life, so why am I doing such a lousy job with the ones I have?

 

This is what life is all about, though -- there are always problems, always things that need improvement. I'm not going to stress over these things; I'm going to work on being grateful for what I have and making positive changes. Spring seems like a good time of year for this.

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Okay, of y'all do move to DC, we are totally having your "welcome" dinner at TMP. That is one of my absolute favorite favorite total decadence restaurants.

:joy: sweetheart.

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