Well said. I hate seeing how folks say, "Well, I have the right to express my opinion," and well, YES, you ultimately do, but to express your opinion at the expense of someone else's hurt feelings or just to be a contrarian is not a very kind thing to do.

You have no idea how many times I think I could say something or could write a post or email asserting what I think, but then I ask myself is this a nice thing to do? Is it important that the other party know this? Or know I think this? 99 percent of the time I click delete.

Not good for my post count, but I think kindness and walking away from unnecessary battles is important too. I saw the Seven of Wands in a Tarot reading I was doing for myself yesterday. Maybe sometimes it IS better to make a truce, remain silent, instead of enjoying taking up the cause of everything that comes along.

I agree with you 100%. It drive me up a wall when someone says something that could have SHOULD HAVE been better off left unsaid.

And then they'll usually say "well I'm just blunt and honest, people appreciate that". No, you're a BITCH, and that is totally different. You can be honest and diplomatic, or even better if you haven't got anything nice to say then just shut your freakin mouth.

Can you tell how much this topic enrages me? I cannot even articulate when I start to thinking about it!

Anyway, if you couldn't tell, I think you are right

Agreed. What ever happened to common courtesy, tact, and consideration for the feelings of others? I'm often put off by the belligerent, rude stance some people take, particularly on the Internet.

I think there are, unfortunately, a lot of people who enjoy arguing just for the sake of arguing; and by "arguing" I don't mean intelligent debate. I'm all for expressing opinions in a civil way, sharing ideas and different points of view. Some people seem as though they just want to stir things up or call attention to themselves, and I have very little tolerance for that.

I've noticed that with a lot of these "brutally honest" people, they can dish it out but can't take it. If you call them out on something, their reaction is often "Well! How RUDE and inconsiderate of you to say that to me! I'm only expressing myself, and you're being disrespectful" etc. ad nauseum

And yes, contrarians (a/k/a shit-stirrers) should be avoided as much as possible.

I agree with you all. Honest does not mean rude. I practically have a vow of honesty, but that doesn't mean I have to say everything that's on my mind. And even when I do, I try to be tactful. (I don't often succeed, but because of that, I tend to stay silent rather than say something that could offend.)

And Ah Xia, that's one trick I do a lot. I'll type up a post, or a reply, or something, and then reread it, and if I think it's unnecessary or too harsh, I just don't post it.

It makes me sad how many people take advantage of the anonymity provided. I'm reminded of something my dad always says: "Integrity (or character) is what you do when nobody's looking." I think "or when you're anonymous" could be added and be just as accurate.

Heh heh. I was going to say something very similar to what you said in a blog post a couple of days ago, but I chickened out and deleted the post.

I totally agree. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

At one point on the forums there were a few people saying really rude things in the update thread on the night of the huge Carnaval Diabolique introduction. It was the night when the price increase was taking effect, too. Beth put the update up a few hours before usual -- and with it the price increases -- and three or four people complained that they didn't have a chance to order their bottles at the cheaper price before the update went live (even though Beth had said the prices were going up several days in advance, so they had had time), and therefore Beth had bad business practices and wasn't honoring her "commitment" to her customers not to raise her prices until midnight or some arbitrary time that the complainers thought it was supposed to be. One of the complainers said that she shouldn't be yelled at by mods just because she had "the guts" to complain about it.

I responded to her that I didn't think it took guts to say what she did, I thought it was very bad form, and I told her why. She never responded to me, so thankfully it never escalated into an argument. But in that post I pointed out that often I sort of bite my lip and wait for a mod to come along and say something because I feel like it's not my place. Or mostly because I'm too chicken to possibly get involved in conflict. But there have been MANY times I've wanted to tell someone off for posting rude or inconsiderate or mean things... but I hardly ever do it. It makes me kind of feel bad for the mods that I wait for them to do the dirty work, so to speak.

I'm like that in real life too. I sit and wait for someone in authority to come around and tell the person to knock it off. I'm afraid that one of these days all this pent up frustration is going to overcome me and I'll just blow up.

Heh heh. I was going to say something very similar to what you said in a blog post a couple of days ago, but I chickened out and deleted the post.

 

(snipped for space)

 

I'm like that in real life too. I sit and wait for someone in authority to come around and tell the person to knock it off. I'm afraid that one of these days all this pent up frustration is going to overcome me and I'll just blow up.

I do the same thing, quite a lot. I've had people sneer at me when I say something because I don't have what they consider proper authority, and that just makes me see red. So because I'm just another person, you don't have to do the right thing?

Argh.

Still, at least I know I'm not the only one.

No, you're not the only one, Kitrona, but then I was raised in the South and had "if you can't say something nice..." hammered into my thick skull from birth. That wasn't what formed my "bite my tongue and think it over" habit, though; I can lay that one at the feet of my maternal grandmother. She would say horrible things to me, and if I complained about it, I got "well, I'm sorry that you can't handle me being honest."

Mom has occasional moments of it, too, but she is mortified when they are brought to her attention. As a result, the moments have become noticeably fewer in number over the years. D. says that the conversational filters are getting stronger in each subsequent generation; I say that sometimes the best example is a negative one.

I HATE the apologies that aren't, too. "I'm sorry you can't handle it". Wait, YOU'RE apologizing for me supposedly misinterpreting what YOU said? No, not your right. You apologize for YOU!

I am in a bitchy mood right now, but that's one of my buttons. "In other words, you're sorry that I won't cut you slack and let you be rude?"

Ahh, I can dream. (I'd never have the guts to say that IRL.)