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Claws are out! - Grumbling about Grooming

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darkitysnark

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Snarky in Winter

 

If she would just stop burning and cutting them and tried to moisturize every once in a while, Snarky would have a fairly pretty set of hands. Given care, they can be delicately expressive with long fingers and long, tapering nail beds. She inherited them from her father's side of the family. Her mother has always grumbled about her own "farmer's hands", but as the rest of her is delicate and expressive (she was a traditional Chinese dancer in college), her hands come across as such too.

 

Snarky does not treat her hands well at all, though. They want to be long-nailed and idle... the hands of some pampered concubine. But she treats them like meat. On the rare occasion that she gets them "done", they become undone within a week's time. Nail polish barely lasts two days (even the good stuff). Her cuticles would break any aesthetician from sheer mental trauma.

 

Currently Snarky is struggling with her suddenly long nails. They get caught in her keyboard (upon which her typing sounds like a puppy scrabbling across a hardwood floor). They mess up her ability to dial her cell phone. She has poked herself in the eye countless times. The Mister has been inadvertently scratched in very unsexy ways.

 

So far, only the cats seem to enjoy these new accessories.

 

Along with her enlongenating nails, Snarky is trying to re-learn how to handle longer hair. She is also doing what she playfully calls "Winterizing" - a sort of seasonal shortening of her personal grooming habits which allows her to sleep in a bit more, but which also makes winter The Mister's least favorite time of year. Apparently it's OK for him to have hairy legs year 'round, but she must remain pre-pubescent (at least in that one aspect.) She will make an exception for Valentine's Day, though, which brings much rejoicing to ChezSnark.

 

Snarky really has a problem with the whole body hair issue, actually. She finds it yucky and gross in all practicality (tank tops, swim suits, shorts) but in principle wishes she could just let it all go. So this "Winterizing" thing is sort of her annual foray into protesting the unrealistic expectations set by the beauty industry and society in general. (She's also normally a waxer, not a shaver, so this is a bit of a reprieve from all the ouchiness.)

 

Strange how laziness promotes old stereotypes (longer head hair and finger nails) whilst stomping like a giant hairy Sasquatch on others.

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Great minds and all that...I was just about to post on the "forgotten resolution" this year, the "great de-skankifying" which would involve, among other things...less of the hairy legs in winter. Or heck, all year round, actually!

 

It also might involve more of the brushing of the teeth and showering before rolling out of bed and into work. Ha ha, that was a joke. Maybe.

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:lol: Great minds, indeed. Snarky remembers a time when she not only kept close watch on the body hair situation, but actually put on makeup and did her hair before work! !!

 

Snarky wants to be Valentina when she grows up, really. All put together because she wants to, and as an exterior manifestation of her inner awesomeness, and not because she thinks it's expected of her or any other thing.

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Snarky wants to be Valentina when she grows up, really. All put together because she wants to, and as an exterior manifestation of her inner awesomeness, and not because she thinks it's expected of her or any other thing.

Don't we all want to be like Valentina when we grow up? :lol:

 

I'll occasionally get motivated beyond the maintenance bare minimum, with the nails and the shaving and the self-tanner so I'm not too pale. "From now on, I'll rilly rilly keep up with this!" That lasts about a week, then it's back to normal. My tombstone will never read, "Gee, Her Nails Looked Terrific!"

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OH YOU GUYS! :lol: My guess would be that you're all perfectly gorgeous. You all smell wonderful. You have your own distinct styles and express yourselves, and that's what's wonderful and terribly appealing. Besides, you are all younger than me, I have to work it a lot harder!

 

darkity, I can't grow my nails long to save my soul, especially in the wintertime. The cold here is very hard on fingernails. I envy long nails, they are so elegant. And the cold weather makes me all about putting shea butter on my skin. My bathroom counter is stacked high with shea butters, creams, puddings and whips. Otherwise I would dry up like a prune and blow away!

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Heh. More proof that we all want what we don't have. Snarky still dreams of having Anne of Avonlea hair, while other people seem to want her own stick-straight blah black Asian 'do.

 

Valentina, if she could give you her monstrous talons, they would be yours in an instant. She is having very similar winter skin problems, though. Snarky is currently motoring through a tub of LUSH Dream Cream and Burt's Bees Carrot Cream after morning ablutions and again at night when her thirsty, thirsty skin itches for more.

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