Oh please! Merging finances does not work for all couples. In fact, I've seen too many couples divorce needlessly because they chose to combine their finacnes when separate accounts could have solved the issue.

If separate accounts work for you, then by all means keep at it. My husband and I do combine our finances because that's what makes sense to us. There are times I wish I had more of money I earned (for more BPAL, of course), but I deal with it the best I can.

There is no need to explain yourself - or the way you choose to handle you finances - to anyone in this world.

And that's advice you can "take to the bank".

Oh please! Merging finances does not work for all couples. In fact, I've seen too many couples divorce needlessly because they chose to combine their finacnes when separate accounts could have solved the issue.

 

If separate accounts work for you, then by all means keep at it. My husband and I do combine our finances because that's what makes sense to us. There are times I wish I had more of money I earned (for more BPAL, of course), but I deal with it the best I can.

 

There is no need to explain yourself - or the way you choose to handle you finances - to anyone in this world.

 

And that's advice you can "take to the bank".

That's what I think... combining money for me and Todd would be very, very bad

I just hate judgemental people, who think their way is the only way.

What a bunch of baloney! We're not married yet, but after 9 years of living together/sharing expenses, I don't see us ever totally merging our finances. He pays for certain things, I pay for other certain things, and we both are able to spend our own money on whatever nonsense we like and because it's our own money, the other really can't say anything about it unless it's something obscenely self-indulgent. Everyone needs their own money!

And as for those nutters who say you're not as married, I suspect at least one party in each of those couples is a control freak who wants to be in control of all the finances (if not totally in control of their spouse) and they're glorifying their control freakishness with some pathetic excuse of marital unity or whatever you want to call it. They all need a good on their noggins!

It's nobody's business how you handle your finances, and it's definitely no one's business to tell you you're doing it wrong! I would have been highly irritated if someone had tried to tell me I was less married because I don't share all my money with my husband and vice versa.

I tried the combining money thing a long time ago. It sucked! My ex assumed that all money in the combined account was HIS, even though I made twice as much money as he did. He even said something like "Man, being married is great! I never used to be able to afford to live this well!" No shit. He put me in the poorhouse. I will never do that again.

I know a lot of people prefer the combined way, and that's just fine for them. I wouldn't try to convince them otherwise. But for me? No way.

Their whole arguement on this was, when you are married the Bible says 'Two become one'. Now I'm a Christian, but I don't think that Todd and I are one person now. (I have an image of a huge Mandy/Todd monster in my head )

We are still are own people, and we are a family, but we need to do what works for us.

The post that started all of this said that marriage is about merging people (becoming 1 person), and is not a joint venture.

I merged my bank accounts after getting married and recently got severely chastized by a friend who pointed out that 1) you never know when things might go south so it is good to keep your own account and best when it has been set up before you are married (e.g. husband starts gambling) 2) establishing credit in your name which you can lose if you don't keep accounts in your name 3) if you have a family crisis you might need your own money.

So I am going to get my own account this week!

Moreover, it is 2006! To suggest that women need to merge their finances with their husband is anti-feminist!

I merged my bank accounts after getting married and recently got severely chastized by a friend who pointed out that 1) you never know when things might go south so it is good to keep your own account and best when it has been set up before you are married (e.g. husband starts gambling) 2) establishing credit in your name which you can lose if you don't keep accounts in your name 3) if you have a family crisis you might need your own money.

 

So I am going to get my own account this week!

 

Moreover, it is 2006! To suggest that women need to merge their finances with their husband is anti-feminist!

Well, I do think merging is okay for some people. But it's so not okay for us...

Once I change my name, I'm going to get a credit card solely in my name, partly to help rebuild my credit.

Right now, the only credit cards we have are in his name... but I don't really foresee us having any joint credit cards every either.

I can't believe people.

You know, it never made sense to me why couples (married or no) would completely merge their assets.

Whenever they buy each other presents, it takes from the other's bank account (since it's a shared account). There can be no surprises, you can always cheat and see what the other is getting you by checking the account statement.

Plus if you merge it is tempting to spend a lot more money, because it looks like you're drawing from a much larger pond. Whereas if you keep things separate, you budget better.

And everyone has their vices. I still believe in sharing and helping the other out, and certainly sharing basic expenses (food, rent/mortgage, utilities) just so no one person is stuck with all the bills, but the disposable income in particular I think is better kept separate.

And yeah, if things go sour (for whatever reason) and you don't have you're own money, you're screwed!

Some couples merge their assets completely and make it work, but like has been mentioned, it is a rare couple who can fairly spend their money like that and where not one or the other might have a shopping addiction every once in a while. If one spouse dies abruptly and the surviving one finds out that they were in debt before they died, the government can seize the assets even though they're in both names, no?

People are stupid saying you're not as married if you don't merge assets. I'd even say you're MORE married, because when you buy your partner a gift or something, it's really you giving to them, not you taking both your monies to give a gift. That's a frivilous example but you get the idea.