So, since late 2004, my reviews on this forum have been dwindling down to nearly nothing. Since I didn't do much here besides post reviews, I don't think may people actually found out what the deal was.

In mid-2004, I started getting really, really depressed. "Situational depression," some people called it. A 10-year relationship was going down the tubes. It ended formally in January 2005, shortly after New Years.

So, after ten years, my boyfriend and I are throwing in the towel. Arguments, therapy, dyi anger-management and professional medical exams for me (suggested possible sexual dysfuction); a future CPAP machine, ADD and anti-depression drugs for him; self-help books, lies, disappointments, a lack of progress ...

 

The major indicators, though, were:

• I'd only felt that heart-flutteringly romantic enthusiasm for him over two periods in our relationship.
   
  
• He'd never felt it for me
   
  
• Neither of us could picture a future in which our paths or goals would be closely intertwined
  

Bleah. So, we're calling it a decade and getting out before anything consciously hostile begins. We're both used to each other, though, so it's tempting to hang on until we've sapped all the good and comfort we can out of the relationship -- but then all we'd be left with is venom. And even though we're tossing our 10th Valentine's Day together, the idea of going through with a sham just for the sake of a number just doesn't make me feel romantic.

 

I've been through the breakup of a major relationship before, and have lived on my own before. I'm not looking forward to the transition, but I have hopes for the result.

 

Today, I'm wearing glitter and BPAL and a little ring I bought for myself years ago (it looks like a Claddagh ring, but without the hands and with an opal -- my birthstone -- as the heart). I've been looking at apartment and roommate ads, have continued being social and went to the gym last week. I will continue my plan to take Valentine's Day off, but I'll probably just head down to Shilshole for the annual glass heart ritual in the midst of apartment hunting.

 

Want to hear something funny? Those who are into tarot will appreciate this:

• 2004 year card: The Hanged Man
  
• 2005 year card: Death
  

There were a bunch of other clue anvils being dropped, too. Evidentally, I started ignoring the clue bricks a few years ago.

 

Ah, well. We gave it a good shot. And neither of us will be left wondering why things went the way they did. That's worth something, isn't it?

I moved out in late February/early March of 2005, and started building a life of my own.