This was meant to be a LJ entry, but LJ is being stupid
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Valentine's has never been important to me at all, so today was just another day.
I did make the mistake of getting up and saying hi to Todd when he got home. I was awake, and I missed him. Of course 'hi' turned into talking for about a 1/2 hour, and when I got back to bed, I couldn't get to sleep, and mostly just tossed and turned the rest of the night.
So, I was very sleepy when I dragged myself out of bed this morning, especially since I dragged myself out of bed a 1/2 early so I could get to work early and leave work early (I had to go to the PO which annoying closes the same time I usually get out of work).
Work was fine, though busy. I went to Sonic for the very first time for lunch, and that was pretty good.
I get home (after the PO of course) and I have a white (maybe yellow, I can't tell) rose waiting for me. I thought this was very sweet since I told Todd about a month ago not to get me anything.
I've been cleaning and trying to deal with the flea situation after I got out of work, and now it's nearly time to go to choir.
Since my brain is completely tuned to everything weddings, I thought I would post some pictures of the stuff for my upcoming wedding.
Our engagement picture
Pictures of my dress!
My cake topper
My University of Michigan garter
My guest book
The label I made to put on our bubbles
My invitations
This is what my flowers will look like
The start of my centerpieces
My favors
I've about had it with work this week. It's been hard and stressful, and I'm getting all stressed out which is giving me a headache.
What's going on today it V-8 badness. V-8 is the new turbo that is going to make or break us, and right now everything is all fucked up.
Today alone I've dealt with inventory issues, quality issues, capacity issues (which is something purchasing should have done something with a long time ago) - all are things that could shut the line down, and shutting the line down is very, very, very bad.
With things as bad as they are with the V-8 program, I'm a little worried because both Todd and I work there. I'm beginning to wonder if it's time to look for a new job.
I really don't want to look for a new job, because I really do like my job. It's not that hard, but it's busy and hectic enough to keep me occupied during the day. And I hate looking for a new job... hate it with a passion.
The reasons to look for a new job is the temp. thing (I can't get my boss to stand still for 5 minutes to give him updates on parts, let alone have time to take about my tempness.), and of course, the badness with the V-8 program.
It's got to slow down and get more stable eventually, but it's hard right now.
I'm going to talk to Todd about it, and try and find some time to pin my boss down to talk to him about the temp. issue. If I was given a date when I'd be hired in (even if it was still a while off), I'd stay. I make decent money, so that's another reason to stay.
Things might get worse before they get better though. I have two co-workers who are also temps, and one has been seriously looking for another job for a couple of weeks now. I shudder to think what things would be like if we didn't replace her right away. She has over 70 vendors!
I'm just torn... and really tired
First, an update on the grey kitty. Our neighbors are currently renting the house next to us, but are looking for a house to buy. They are currently feeding the grey kitty, and planning on taking it to the vet, and taking it with them when they move.
They don't have any pets, and they are rather nice, so it's for the best, since Todd and I don't have time to introduce a new pet into our house.
We spent nearly the entire weekend cleaning, so our house is as clean as it's ever been, and we are now completely unpacked. Of course, Todd's parents brought him a bunch of crap with them, but he'll have to deal with that.
They also brought our kitchen table, which I'm geeked to have. I have to go to Target today anyway, so I'll get a cool 4th of July table cloth.
I'm at work right now, then hopefully I can finish the wedding invitations today (did a ton yesterday after the cleaning) and kinda relax since I'm rather tired.
Our BBQ is tomorrow, so hopefully that will be fun!
I have a cat named Star, and we've had him since March. I love my cat very much, so I'm worried how he is going to react when we bring home another kitten.
We briefly had another pet, a puppy back in March, and that did not go well. Star and the puppy did not get along. We didn't take the puppy back because of that, it was because the puppy bit Todd in the face, and kept going for our faces.
So, since then Star has been the king of the house (pet-wise anyway ). Now that the wedding is over, we are going to get another cat. I want a kitten since I think it will adjust better if it's younger.
But I'm not sure how Star is going to act. He's going to have to get used to having other pets around (Todd wants us to have 2 cats and 2 dogs eventually), but I've been kinda dragging my feet on getting the new kitten.
I promise I will update my wishlist by the weekend, I promise!
I have super dry skin, so I always need lotion. I also love candles and tarts (I'd love some more Dark Candles and some more Fat Cats tarts). Foody / Fruity scents work the best.
I love villianess soaps, but am always willing to try out new bath products.
I love writing, and do sometimes at work when things get slow/boring. I usually keep a small blank notebook in my purse for this purpose. I can always use more small blank notebooks because I fill mine up really fast.
I think that's all for now!
I'm flying to Michigan tomorrow... and I'm really getting nervous about it.
The last time I fly was May 2000 when we took our last family vacation to Arizona, so it was before 9/11.
And this is the first time I will be flying by myself.
I'm an adult, and such, but being by myself and flying is starting to freak me out.
I'm afraid that I won't find my gate, I'm afraid I'll miss my flight when I have my layover, and I'm afraid no-one will be there to meet me.
I hope it turns out better than I'm thinking!
I haven't slept well for a week or so now, so I'm nodding off at my desk (boring spreadsheet assignments doesn't help this at all!).
Plus, since I'm still feeling pretty sad, that makes me feel even sleepy-er.
I am amused by the new BPAL fanfic, though I think the first one is still the best. It was so funny! I hope this new one is fun though.
I hope my Lotus Moon order gets here soon... I could use some smellies to cheer me up.
On the way into work this morning, I heard about the foiled terrorist plot that has shut down the big airport in London, and has made changes come about even over here, about what you can or cannot have in a carryon.
This makes me very nervous when I think about flying again. I'm really hoping to talk Todd out of flying to Disney, since it would be a waste of money. But, we are going to have to fly, when we go to Europe in 2008.
This whole thing also effects my job, as parts from overseas are air freighted in. I even have a supplier in England, and the parts I get from there are air freighted from London. I'm glad that I wasn't needing a shipment to go out today, and hopefully the airport will be back in business soon.
Now, on to bridezillas!
There is a show on WE that is called 'Bridezillas'. I tape it every Sunday night, and usually watch it on Monday. A lot times the brides that are featured on the show, are being unreasonable and overly stressing themselves out, but usually calm down once the ceremony is over.
Not the girl on last Sunday's episode. She was pissed off her entire wedding day. She had a pretty decent reason to be pissed (her in-laws were late, causing her wedding to start an hour and a half late), but I would hate to be that bride and look back at the video and see how unhappy I was on my wedding day.
Yes, I'm pretty stressed out over everything right now (though honestly work is more a stressor than the wedding right now), but I'm going to be happy and enjoy my special day. And I don't think I've ever been as unreasonable as the brides on 'Bridezilla'.
I've been a Christian since I was born. My dad was Lutheran from birth, and my mom basically converted from Lutheran in name to Lutheran in practice.
I believe in the Christian God, and have had those 'whoa, he's touching my soul' moments.
But, I have some beliefs that rather go against some ideals that some Christians have.
I know there are ghosts, and I believe in magic and the possibilty of other gods and goddesses (I've never had a 'whoa' moment with any other deity, but I'm not discounting their existance) - if I ever get some time to devote to it, I'd love to be able to research / learn more about some pagan paths. And I really, really want to learn how to read tarot cards.
My mom looked at my horoscope when I was born, and it said something to the effect I would be very religious. She always took that to be Christian religious, which I have been for the most part. Heck, I seriously toyed with the idea of becoming a Pastor when I was in college.
But I have to wonder sometimes if that meant something beyond the Christian religion.
Here's some picture from my birthday!
This is a few pictures of my Disney-fied cube (people at my work are big into decorating cubes for birthdays):
And here's one from Lunch - We went to a Mexican place, hence the hat. That's my hubby, Todd, next to me:
My inlaws are driving me insane. I like them and all, but I hope they don't come back to visit for a long, long, long time.
My mother in law tends to be really, really, really judgemental, and tries taking over things. She basically took over the bbq yesterday. She also took the wallpaper off in our bedroom (which I should add, I did quite a bit of myself), and primer-ed and painted that wall. Well, splaking (I have no idea how to spell that this morning) took place because there was a bunch of holes in the wall, and yesterday she tried to vacum up the splakle (sp?).
Well, the vacum started to smoke, and she decided that it wasn't because she vacumed up the splakle, but because we hadn't changed the bag on it.
We have hard wood floors, and only really use one room with carpet, so we don't need to vacum that often. But she proceded to bitch about it the rest of the evening (she also vacummed our hard wood floors, which pissed Todd off to the point that he unplugged the vacum)
Plus their idea of cleaning is driving me nuts too. This includes Todd's grandmother too. I had to move stuff around in the kitchen because they put it away wrong (which isn't that big of a deal, but I'm wearing thin on patience because of tiredness). And what took the cake was this morning, at 6:30 am, I was in the bathroom getting ready for work. I went to comb my hair, and my comb was no where to be found.
I keep a comb in the shower, for combing my hair out in the shower, and that's where both my combs were! Why in the world would I need two combs in the shower? It really irritated me.
Plus, because of them being here, I haven't slept well since Sunday, so I'm exhausted. This is honestly the last thing I needed right now. What I need is a break, but instead I got a long weekend of being irritated and exhausted.
Yesterday wasn't all bad. Our friends, Alice and Josh came over for the bbq, and I'm soooo glad that they did. We talked and watched tv, until it was time to eat, then we ate. Afterwards, we played quite a few games of 'Apples to Apples', then attempted to play Trival Pursuit - the 90's edition, but ran out of time.
We headed over to Alice and Josh's place around 9, because we were going to watch the Lake Julian fireworks. But it started downpouring, thundering and lightening while we were driving over there, so Todd & I decided that we would just go home (after we went to their house and told them) because even if it stopped storming in time to have the fireworks, the ground would still probably be wet, and it wouldn't be that fun.
I was pretty bummed out though, I was looking forward to seeing the fireworks.
My inlaws are suppose to be leaving by 4 today, and I hope to God they are gone by the time I get home from work.
I'm tired and cranky, and I did a horrible thing.
I bitched to Todd about his parents, about things I thought he agreed with, and now seemingly he is angry with me.
So, now I'm crying at work, and I just feel like the world's most horrible person.
The worst thing, is I won't really get to talk to him until Friday, because our differing schedules, and I have no friends to really vent to.
I'm just worn out, tired, and seemingly everyone (including Todd) thinks I shouldn't be. Planning a wedding by yourself is hard, and my job is hard and stressful too. But no-one thinks that I need or deserve a break, which is what this past weekend was suppose to be..
I have a lot of pictures, and I've been thinking lately that I really should scan them into my computer, and make several cd's, so as to have them in case something happens.
The only problem that it's a bit hard to look at some of these pictures, and it brings up some unpleasant feelings.
Firstly, even though she's been dead for over 4 years, I have a hard time looking at pictures of my mom. When I do, I feel like sobbing, so I just don't look at pictures of her. With the picture project, I would have to look at them
Secondly, I'm not sure what to do with the pictures that have my ex-friends in it. Since I was friends with my ex-best friend for nearly 10 years, I have a lot of pictures with her in it. A lot with my other ex-friends as well. Right after we moved to NC, I was going to send the ex-best friend the pictures, but never got around to it. Now I feel that too much time has passed.
Looking at those pictures bring back everything that went down, and it makes me sad and angry at the same time. I won't scan those in, but I don't really feel right throwing them away either.
This has been on my mind, which was evident by my dreams like night, which one featured my mom, and the other featured my ex friends.
Todd and I are friends with another married couple, A & J. They are pretty much my only friends thus far in Asheville. We get along with them rather well, and every Sunday night we go to their house to role play.
When we started last fall, J was the storyteller. Well, a couple of months ago, A started to run a game. She hadn't really run a campaign before, so we all have tried to cut her some slack.
Except J gets pissed at something she does nearly every week she runs. They get into a fight nearly every week.
Yesterday, A was busy with my character, because my character ran away from the rest of the group. Well, J was pissed that A didn't ask what he was doing, even though he could have easier said "I'm doing this and this" which is what Todd and I would have done if the scene at the time wasn't focused on our characters.
So, J pouted and picked up his gameboy. And then A posted in her lj that she felt like she was the most horrible storyteller ever, because she did badly.
Their dramamongering makes me feel like rolling my eyes. They need to realize that it's just a game. Unfortunely, they take these games really seriously!
I really need to find some more friends in Asheville, or maybe another game to play in.
Today would have been my mom's 55th birthday if she was alive, and it's Todd's 31st birthday, so I feel a bit conflicted.
I find a bit creepy that my mom and my husband have the same birthday. Mostly because he never met her, and we didn't start dating until after she died.
Birthdays are a big deal to me, so I try and make the people I love's birthday a little special. This weekend, I took Todd out to eat and to the movies. He doesn't really like birthdays, so that's about all the fuss he'll let me make
Today I'm taking him out to lunch, and finishing his cake (I was too tired to frost it last night).
I feel slightly bad, and greedy... but I love presents!
I, of course, got a lot of neat things for my bridal shower this past weekend, but it sucks because I couldn't taken hardly anything back with me because I was flying and only had a large-ish duffel bag (I didn't want to mess with checking luggage in).
Luckily, my sister had the foresight to just mail my presents, and put pictures in the card she gave me. So I have a brand new spice rack (with spices in it!) and a 4 canister set (which I plan on putting flour and sugar in two of them).
Todd is home sick (he's got a nasty stomach bug), and emailed me that we had a package. I called him, and had him open it while I was on the phone (work is dull, I wanted a little excitement )
We are now the proud owners of a 6 mixing bowl set! It was sent by someone who couldn't make my shower.
I really hope people send us wedding presents in the mail, so we don't have to haul all the presents back from Michigan... and because I love packages with presents in them!
Or at the very least, a lazy one.
I used to keep records of who got who in each swap... but the last few ones, I've gotten lazy.
Mostly because my free time is pretty limited, so I quickly try and get everyone's assignments out quick as possible... and sometimes I do that at work.
From now on, I'll have to keep that information...
I feel badly about not having it for the several swaps in motion right now. Thank goodness I don't really have any swaps between now and the wedding (though I'll probably start the Halloween card signups before I leave for the wedding).
I was never popular in school - I was too geeky, shy and quiet to be popular. Most of the time I was okay with that, but sometimes I longed to be noticed.
I'm not liked at work because I don't smoke. Nearly all my co-workers smoke, and take smoke breaks together. I try to engage them in conversation, but they don't really seem all that interested because they are at totally different phases of their life.
I don't have a lot of friends, and the several attempts I've made to make new friends since moving to NC have failed for reasons that are unknown to me.
I miss when I did have a group of friends - my last year of college was the only time I've felt vaguely popular. I was in a larp group on campus, and was friends with most of the people who played. The group was very large (nearly 40 people at one point) and I felt liked and wanted.
Now my wedding is less than a month away, and I'm keenly aware that I have no friends coming. My sister has more friends attending my wedding than I do.
I feel sad because I wish I had someone to go shopping with and do girly type things, but more often than not when I reach out to someone to be their friend they just don't seem interested.
I think I'm becoming a Bridezilla
I keep having wedding related breakdowns, and I just want it to stop!
I snapped at Todd last night, and freaked out when he said that he oops'ed and didn't put a stamp on one of the response cards (I thought he had said 'some').
I really stressed out... there isn't enough time to relax or veg, and since my in-laws are coming to visit over the 4th, I won't have any days off until Labor Day.
I had been looking forward to the 4th, but now I'm not. Originally I had hoped to do all the invitations during the two days we have off, but now I have to be the hostess with the mostess for my in-laws.
It makes me tired and crabby just thinking about it.
I've been really sad this week... overwhemling so.
Wedding planning is hard, especially since my mom is gone, and I don't really have any help in NC. Todd helps when he can, but it's at the stage that he isn't interested in - making favors, getting the invitations ready, and such.
I was looking forward to having the couple days off over the 4th to get some of this wedding stuff done, and now I'm dreading the 4th because my in-laws are coming to visit.
I'm afraid I'll be kicked out of my own bedroom (my in-laws helped us move, and took over our bedroom. The first week of our marriage we couldn't even sleep together!) - I don't sleep well to begin with, but I really don't want to have to sleep on a blow up bed, then have to go to work for 10 + hours, then have to come home to 'entertain'. The very thought makes me want to cry.
I'm really sad that the SC meet and sniff isn't going to happen. I know I shouldn't have gone anyway because of the money, and because of the messy house, but I probably would have gone. I had been looking forward to it for quite a while now
And again, I wish I had friends - girl friends, mostly. I don't have anyone really to blather on about wedding stuff, to come to my fittings with me, to help me with invitations, to watch girly movies, and talk about things only girls can understand.
I miss having a best girl friend... and I even miss the best girl friend I had in college (though she become quite a crappy friend the last couple years of our friendship).
Life is hard... and I really try to keep upbeat (I know, it's hard to tell from my posts), but with feeling sick all the time (my lovely headaches insure that I'm in pain, all day every day) and being so lonely, it's hard to keep happy.
My first job in the company I currently work in was the best job in the world. I loved it so much, but I was only temping for two ladies who were out on materinty leave.
I bawled on my last day, on the way home from work, because I loved this job so much.
My boss thought I was a great worker and he tried to A) keep me in his department or keep me in the company.
I'm still in the company, but I don't like my current job nearly as much. Plus my boss in the old job was great, and my current boss is too busy to do much of anything besides sit in meetings.
I just got a company wide email that one of the ladies who had a baby is leaving, tomorrow. Since this is the first I've heard of it, I'm guessing that they have someone else taking her place.
I told my old boss that I would come back in a moment's notice, but I guess that's not going to happen.
I sent him an email - to see if her position was filled. I know if I could go back there, I would have a wonderful job, with wonderful co-workers, and I'd be hired in right away.
Because my mindset is of a depressed one, I feel that someone else is already working in her place, and it makes me want to cry. I can't even apply for the posting for her job, because I'm not hired in.
I wonder why I don't have any friends and no-one seems to like me?
Truthfully, I whine a lot more online than I do in real life, but I still seem to not be able to attract any friends at all.
If something happens to Todd, I'd have no-one, since my family doesn't really care either. I'm sure if I didn't make an effort to stay in touch, they'd never call me.
My cousin is even ditching me the weekend of my shower to go to a Tigers game, which really makes me sad. I'm not going to be able to come back to Michigan very often, and she decides that she would rather go watch a baseball game in Detroit than hang out with me. I know now why my bach. party was moved from Saturday night to Friday night.
Sorry, I'm just feeling very sick today, which makes me sad and depressed.
