This website shows what sort of inspired my husband's gift to me. I can't find them anywhere else, but I know I've seen them before. He made it himself, though, and it is perfect.
This is SO frustrating. I am having anxiety about going to school tomorrow. WHY? Other than my Lord of the Rings class, there's not a lot of stress there- and even that class is turning into something with potential to be enjoyable... but I digress. And it's late, and I should be asleep.... Guh.
With rabid support from my friends and family, I've sort of discovered that I have potential to learn to be an artist. I don't have technique yet, but I think I could do really well with it eventually. This is hilarious to me, because I've always thought of myself as the least artistic person in the room- can't draw a straight line to save my soul, and my stick figures come out malformed, and nothing looks the way it should- but even more, I had SUCH a horrible experience with my intro to art class I took last fall- My instructor was AWFUL. Like, really mean. Coated in sugar, but just always so negative. I almost wrote a letter to the dean about her, actually. Some of the things she did were highly offensive.
So anyway. Instead of rushing through math and science to prepare for the radiology program, I can take some art classes and other things that interest me- like foreign language, for instance- and see how I'm doing next year at this time.
I'll be married! And with a brand new name! I can't wait to change my name. I'm doing my full name, after we are married.
It's crunch time. I only just mailed off a vast majority of the invitations: Yeah, we're closing in on a month until the day. I'm so unprepared. I'm so very excited. I'm so extremely lucky... and now I'm off to bed.
I think I got swap-lifted. I reported it, but I feel utterly deflated. That was my carefully negotiated (with the FormerFiance-PresentlyHusband) order of decants (Beltane (!), Enraged Bunny Musk (luckily I ordered one from crescentwench), and Monster Bait: Underpants (Not to sound greedy, but this one makes me particularly sad. I've got two decants, but I had a use in mind for all three of them, and I'm going to have to eliminate one, for the time being. Maybe two.)) and a bottle of Dragon Moon.
I don't want to think that someone took off with them. I'd prefer to think of them as outstanding swaps (as in, 'outstanding warrants'), until I know for sure. It's easy to get overwhelmed, which leads to embarrassed, which leads to running away. That doesn't make a person bad. Life can get hectic, and I'm the first one to admit that I've fallen behind in swaps before.
There's my pep-talk for the day.
So, my brother called me last night and announced that his mother told him that I don't have anyone helping with the wedding, so what all do we need done? Well, flowers. But it's wierd that she would say that, because all I've been hearing is that a million people have offered to help, so I set him straight on that. Flowers. Which will be the cost of the flowers themselves, but the arranging will all be free. Fine. So just now, I tell my mother what my brother told me, and she says, "Yeah, nobody's stepped forward to help." And I'm like, "Mom. Why is this the first I've heard of it? You've told me that offers of aid have been pouring in since September, so why would you now tell me that that's not the case? Why would you tell me that just 9 days before the wedding? Why???" Only not quite so dramatically. So she hems and haws and is like, "People just don't want to help anymore." Uh. Uhhhhh. Dude. My brain can't even handle this. I have my muthafuggin' math final tomorrow. No more stress. My wedding is in 9 days. No more stress. The rings arrived today and they're about two miles too wide. NO MORE STRESS!
I need to go see a movie this weekend. I just don't have time. My future in laws will be here next week- I'm really excited to see them. They're fantastic. We're going to have to clean a LOT before they get here, though. A LOT. I also need to see about getting my nails done, figure out what is going to be done with my hair, and figure out if we're going to have 100 guests or 10. So, the wedding will be here in a week- yay! bounce, bounce, bounce- it's finally heeeeeere!
Next up? The divorce. Not mine- my parents. Yeah, apparently my mother isn't going to do it after all. It's this whole big thing. BUT. She might be moving into our very small place. Our very small place with two cats and a housemate already... and she may bring her cat, too... I don't know. I don't have the energy to deal. My brain is fried. And I'm so freaked out about my dress... I'm really hoping it's here on monday.
Eris (Wow. This is sort of embarrassing. My nose was just so untrained... yeah. But Eris is special, because she was my first. I'd like to give her another go, now that I'm almost a year into it. Most of my early reviews are exceedingly painful, really.)
Scherezade
Moxie
Eos
Jailbait
Aizen-Myoo
Penny Dreadful (I'd like to try this one again.)
Dragon's Milk
Black Forest
Zombi (Another I'd like to retry)
Seraphim
Numb (Another I'd like to retry)
Inferno
Midnight
Hamadryad
Lick It
Hollywood Babylon
Hell's Belle (I need to update this review to reflect an aversion to that type of musk.)
Glasgow
Red Devil
Jester
Whitechapel Dude! I really need to update this review! It's awful, and for one of my favourite scents ever!)
Swank
Grand Guignol (I really want to try this one again.)
Bliss (I don't love this one so much anymore.)
Madrid (Not as enchanted by this one anymore.)
Velvet
Dragon's Blood
Dragon's Hide
Dragon's Eye
Malediction
Blood
Voodoo
The Lady of Shalott
Arkham (Revisited)
Akuma (Be sure and read the review by WidgetAlley, which is right before mine.)
Follow Me Boy
Asphodel
Florence
Serpent's Kiss
Sea of Glass
Kali
Grog
Bluebeard
Haunted
Hunger
Blood Lotus
Blood Rose
Lilith
Block Buster
Red Lantern
Gingerbread Poppet
Endymion
Aunt Caroline's Joy Mojo
Shub Niggurath
Monster Bait: Closet
Lolita
Alice
Rage
Bloodlust
Voodoo Queen
Thirteen (13)
Verdandi
Tezcatlipoca
The Hesperides
Santa Muerte
Cerberus
Lotus Moon
Shattered
Villain
Danse Macabre
Debauchery
Golden Priapus
Coyote
Khephra
Hetairae
Wicked
O
Morocco
Enraged Orangutan Musk
The Red Queen
Vicomte de Valmont
Katharina
Hecate
Aeval
R'lyeh
Carnal
Port-Au-Prince
Black Opal
Eat Me
Jack
Xanthe, the Weeping Clown
Chaos Theory: Strange Attractors MLXXVIII (1078)
Mme. Moriarty, Misfortune Teller
The Candy Butcher
Gennivre, L'Artiste du Diable
Theodosius, The Legerdemain
The Organ Grinder
Midnight on the Midway
Carnaval Diabolique
Devil's Night
Thalia
Undertow
Bewitched
Le Serpent Qui Danse
Sleepy Moon
F5
Et Lux Fuit
Aglaea
The Scales of Deprivation
Miskatonic University
Freak Show
Halôa
Euphrosyne
Kurukulla
Hymn to Propserpine
Mouse's Long and Sad Tale
Djinn
Kathmandu
Pele
Eve
King of Spades
Mabon
Nuclear Winter
Doc Buzzard
Monster Bait: Underpants
Pink Phoenix
Pumpkin Patch 2
Glitter
Bengal
Dana O'Shee
Dublin
Queen of Sheba
White Musk
Punkie Night
Boomslang
Bakeneko
Australian Copperhead
Zarita, the Doll Girl
The Oblation
Pink Moon 2005
Faith, the Siamese Twin
Asp Viper
Leo
Mr. Nancy
High John the Conquerer
Bien Loin D'ici
Medea
Euterpe
Beaver Moon
Snow Angel
Enraged Bunny Musk
Night's Pavillion
That's it so far! I have a ton I need to write up, still, though. And I realize you can easily use the search function to see my reviews, but it's nice to just have at my fingertips. (151 as of Snow Angel)
Thanks for pointing me in this direction, Fil. The guy called my cell phone today and told me that he wanted to know immediately if the phone line was disconnected, because they're not supposed to do anything to our line while an investigation is pending. Hopefully this will get sorted out soon! Meanwhile, we'll be able to stay online! I should go find the number, just in case. Eep. Anyway, so that's great news! And I know what I want to get for my mom, I just can't get it right now. It'll have to be late, sadly. Ah, well. And I think I need to find some more imps of MLST so I can get her a few in a roller bottle, because I think it would smell fantastic on her.
Anyway! I'm feeling better now that somebody is looking into the situation. I am so freaking pissed at Trinsic, it's not even funny, so I hope they get taken to the woodshed. Or at least get a stern talking to, and we get our phone back.
In other news, I watched part 1 and 2 of the Lost Room, and I'm bummed because I love the premise, and it's almost exactly how I wanted my NaNo to go- the things they needed to find were going to have odd properties, and there are all sorts of directions to take it. I may still use it and draw on the show- it's not like I'm going to be published or anything. (I'm going to flesh out my characters this year and then write out the novel next November. It'll be better!)
Anxiety is high again, can ya tell? My mind is just racing. Okay, gotta go figure out what I'm doing. Take care, dearies. Thank you for your support.
I have about $50 in my paypal account. I really want to do whatever the BPTP event is going to be. I totally support the price increase and all that, but... I think I'm going to spend it on GC scents.
I don't have anything for my husband's birthday. I don't have any ideas about what to get him. I... may actually not use it on BPAL at all. If I spend a ton of money on myself and don't have anything for him, that's just... wrong, to me. Wrong.
Woah. There is SO much to write about. It was a LONG day.
I woke up early- about 7:30. I got ready, and waited for my cousin/maid of honor to be ready. We left the house around 9:30.
I'm going to sound like a horrible person here, but my meltdown came when I went to make sure my mother would be up and at the church (because she had the key) and she was sick. She has a chronic illness and is genuinely sick quite often, but she also will tend to rely on it as an attention getter, which pisses me off to no end. I just really needed her to pull it together, and it was one more thing going wrong. Just couldn't deal. So I grabbed my dress and left in a hurry. I went to a coffee shop and had a coffee and tried to calm down. The boy called my mom to see what was up and my aunt and her two oldest boys were going to head over to unlock the building. So my cousin and I thought we'd go make sure there were people there setting up.
There weren't. It was just the three of them. So my cousin and I couldn't very well just be like, "Okay, see ya. Have fun with that!" We went in and helped set up and my aunt offered to help with my hair, but she had to run errands. Yeah. We didn't get out of there until after 12. She suggested meeting back up around 2. So my cousin and I ran to the nail salon where she had acryllics put on and that took forever. I never did find pretty underwear, but I found tights.
While I was in the store looking for tights and underwear, I remembered that I wouldn't be going home again until after the wedding (no time!) and I didn't have my aquamarine earrings with me. I phoned the boy, asked him to look for the earrings, and he came up with nothing. So I asked him to look for the ones 'snarky got me from the swap, and he also couldn't find those. That was my big meltdown moment. I couldn't very well walk down the aisle without earrings! I needed those earrings! I was going to DIE without those earrings! (They were in plain sight when we got home, much, MUCH later.) So much drama. Anyway. I needed something borrowed, so I asked one of my bridesmaids to bring me earrings, and then found out that another one already had some with her, and they were GORGEOUS. Pearls with diamonds. Really simple and just lovely.
We had to rush back, but the church was locked. However, we recognized cars, so we knew somebody was there. We're pounding on the doors and trying to get somebody's attention- It took about 15 minutes, and it was only due to the wonder of cell phones and luck that it was that fast. I'd forgotten any sort of hair-doing supplies, so my aunt and I ran to a store nearby and bought bobby pins and hair spray and a hairbrush and then ran back to the church. We scoot on back to the bride's room (It's makeshift; it's just one of the classrooms, but it was our base of operations, so that's what I'm calling it.) and get started on my hair. I'm not one for putting products in my hair, so it didn't feel that great- my hair is oddly really wavy, but hates holding curl.
Continuation: I got sprayed in the eye with hairspray, which sucked. My cousin Donna shows up with 2 of her kids, and we have a little reunion. Her dad died earlier this year, and it was the first time I'd seen her since. She brought me tic tacs from him and came to the rescue when I realized I didn't have "something old" to carry. The second of three bridesmaids shows up with the pretty earrings and lots of hair-doing supplies. It's about 3:00 at this point. Lots of family have arrived and I'm trying to get around to see everybody, but I'm sort of confined to the room, so people are coming around to see me. I'm sorta hungry at this point; haven't had much to eat. And thus, my favourite story from the wedding is born. (To be told much later) Bridesmaid #2 volunteers to get me food, so she runs off to subway around 3:30. I can't remember what else she was doing. (Gah. I should've continued this sooner. I know there's a ton of stuff I'm forgetting.)
And that, chickies, is where I must pause for the night, because... I'm so tired it's literally making me sick to my stomach. I'll pick back up soon.
I'm tired right now, but I've got a lot on my mind, so I thought I'd do a brain dump here. Since I can!
I'm swapping for King of Spades with somebody I trust a lot, so yay me. Now if only I can get my hands on a bottle of Glitter. I just realized I forgot to finalize a swap! Cripes, I feel bad. I need to go leave a message now. Okay, done. I will hopefully be getting Punkie Night, which will hopefully smell pretty on me.
This year I need to focus on GC's. I am just so OCD when it comes to LE's. But I need Alice, Arkham, Mouse's Long and Sad Tale, and a few others- Bewitched. Plus I want to try a bunch of patchouli blends and a few others- Persephone and March Hare are the ones I'm obsessing over right now, as well as Depraved, Ravenous, Sin, Urd, Sri Lanka, Spellbound, The Catterpillar, Vixen and Tweedledum. Tweedledum in particular. The last are from my patchouli recommendation thread! (I want to try the others, these are just the ones that stand out to me.)
Anyway, the title. I was feeling philosophical, but now I'm not. I guess I'll leave it at that. Hope you all are doing well. Peace and love to you all!
I grew up in the LDS church, also known as the mormons. I was baptised at age 12 because my mother and I were converts, and my dad wasn't active. I'm no longer active. I'm still feeling out my spiritual pathways. However, the LDS church is always going to be a part of who I am and, at least locally, they have a really great community of people. Most of the people helping with the wedding are members. I'm getting married in an LDS church building, by an LDS bishop. My mom is still an active member. My fiance decides that he wants to investigate the church to learn more about my background in it and to connect more with my mom, and also to attend with our roommate, who wouldn't go otherwise. This is all very nice, in theory. However, he hates organized religion. He's very liberal, politically speaking. He believes in God, but doesn't like all the dressings. When he met with the missionaries, it annoyed me, because I felt like he was there to waste their time. And he came back with snide remarks and his usual issues with the thought of organized religions- complaints about beliefs and accusations about oppression of women and just... all the same stuff. So I shrugged and told him not to do it. But he's persisted. So I tend to nod and sigh and remind him that he doesn't have to go there, and nobody's trying to force him into the beliefs. It just irritates me. He came home today ranting about how tithing is just rent for the church and they don't care about motivations and whatever. It's a freaking principle of the church. Don't act like you understand it, because you obviously don't. It isn't flexible. Organized religion has to have structure to it, otherwise it WOULDN'T BE ORGANIZED!!!
Therapy today was fine. It was a getting to know you sort of deal, and I think this lady really knows her stuff. But cautiously. I don't want to get over-excited and then have her be some flake. But it went okay.
I don't have much more to say about it.
Oooh, the boy got me the Perfume book and it arrived today- can't wait to start reading it.
ETA: Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, just to clarify.
I am trying very hard to refrain from writing a wanted post with many inappropriate caps and exclaimation points and question marks, begging for somebody to please swap Persephone to me.
NOTE: Please do not offer to swap or sell Persephone to me until I've bumped the appropriately phrased post in the appropriate area of the forum. This is definitely not a request. I'm just wailing and gnashing my teeth about the unfairness of it all. Hee. (I've barely missed it three times recently. At least.) I know. Poor me.
Trying to focus on other things... meh. I hate when life gets turned upside down, even when it's best in the long run... But this..? This is just dredging up awfulness from the past and present. It'll get better, but... man, it sucks right now. I'll go into more detail when I can. I'm paranoid at the moment.
Freaking Melody. Heh. I'm sorry, and I know a lot of people love her, but.... first impressions and all. If that chick knows where the Ark of the Covenant is, she needs to tellllll me. And stop filling it with water. Freak! Ahem. I'm done. Seriously.
I'm such a spaz. How did I get to be so old?
My husband is out in the front room doing something mysterious and Christmas-y for me. I'm not allowed out, and I think it's very sweet. I can't wait to find out what it is so I can brag about him here. Hee. I don't know that I say it enough here, but I love that man. He is so good for me.
SO GOOD!
In other news, my brother's mom seems to be in stable condition, and should be here for Christmas- which is wonderful, seeing as how my brothers and sister will all be here, and the last time we were all together before my wedding was many, many years ago, and I was dumb and didn't take a picture with them- so we will have to get one while they're in town for the holidays. I was so afraid that we wouldn't be together again until a funeral, so that's a relief. I hope! I just really hope she makes it. It would suck for her kids and grandkids if she died so close to Christmas. Me too, obviously, but them more.
Uh, okay. My brain is still flitting about much like a hummingbird. Hummingbirds freak me out, because some of them are so small that they resemble moths. We have HAYUGE moths out here. I'm so phobic about moths it isn't even funny. Riiiight.
I can't concentrate, obviously, so I'm going to go play Cake Mania. Seriously. It rocks. Big Fish Games is the coolest thing ever!
We talked to him. He cried and admitted to feeling... void. Life sucks. I don't know what I'm doing here.
Annnd... I've been there. It does suck. But we're getting frustrated, and we don't know how to help. Resentment is building up, and he has to feel it too, and that isn't helpful at all. We're plotting a trip to Spokane for the sole purpose of having some time alone, and we can't afford it, but we also can't afford not to do it.
It's just... I don't know. At least we have a therapy appointment tomorrow morning.
I've been putting off writing about this, but it is another thing that is weighing on me and I need to just write it out.
My dad's first wife has advanced cancer- Colon cancer, I believe, though I may be wrong. She might not last the year. I keep hoping that she won't die on Thanksgiving. Or in November at all. Deaths seem to be piling up around November. And... this is awful... but I keep thinking that it's like having a messenger preparing for a trip to see a bunch of people I love and can't communicate with anymore... could you just find Christy and tell her... and Robbie... and Paul... and... most of all, my grandmother. After you die, could you just please find these people for me? Run some errands out and about? Could you tell them that I am happy, finally?
It's awful. And I know it's hurting my brother and sister, and I hurt for them, but I keep obsessing over the fact that she could be seeing all these people I love before the year is out. All these people who hoped that I'd be happy. All these people who loved me.
I don't want her to die, but I'm trying hard to get to acceptance.
I hope she knows her kids love her. I'm going to tell her I love her. I'm not going to ask her to run dead messages around for me. A part of me just wishes I could.
I don't think my addiction to the internet is a bad thing. I think people who are derisive of the internet are slugs. It can be a catalyst of bad things, but it can also be a catalyst of good things, and ultimately I think it balances out. I don't think there's anything wrong with the fact that I went through shaking, sweating, convulsing withdrawls over the past week I've been without the internet.
My wedding's in one week and six days. On monday, we HAVE to see about getting the license. I also changed my mind about my dress. I was going to wear a kimono, but it turned up all wrong and that's been distressing. So when my bridesmaid/flower girl tops showed up all gorgeous, I went looking through this site at the dresses. I'm having a custom tailored dress made for less than $50, and it should be here late next week. It's perfect. I'm getting the one in cyan, which looked more turquoise on my mother's computer, and now I'm starting to get worried. Not that worried. As long as I get married, I'll be happy. I'm less stressed than I ought to be. I think I'm more focused on surviving school this quarter. When it's over with, I'll go into full-on panic mode for the wedding.
There are about 10 people who aren't coming that I would love to magically transport here for the wedding. (And a couple of people who've passed on that I wish could attend as well.) I'd have 2 more bridesmaids were that the case. Ah, well. I know they'll be here in spirit.
My father did bring one blessing into my life- his mother. She was a dear, gentle woman and I miss her tremendously. Her death wasn't filled with grief for me, however. It was one of the easiest goodbyes I've ever said to someone I love, and I am not good with the farewell moments. It just felt like her time. I do regret not seeing her again before she died. I think she'd be glad to see me so happy, though. I need to remember to bring yellow roses to the wedding for her. She carried them at her wedding.
I am very glad both my brothers will be attending. I suspected one wouldn't be able to make it. Anyway... Off to do some homework. Or lounge around the forums s'more.
For some reason, it never occurred to me that there'd be a lack of interest in my contest/sale. I mean, I didn't expect everyone to be scrambling to join in, but I think it's both fun and reasonably priced, particularly considering that there's a one in six chance that the winner'll be an imp of Underpants. With less guesses, I'll need to adjust it somehow, and it'll be more likely.
I'm just rambling to whine, folks. But please don't take this as me sulking (which, to me, implies anger, whereas 'whine' does not.) . I'm tired and PMS'ing. I think I may finally be able to sleep.
