Grades will be posted on tuesday, so I'll know for sure that I passed. My husband is being ever supportive, but I'm freaking out. Dude. I am almost positive that I only did 5 of 6 essay questions on my LotR final. (We get to choose 6 of 8 topics, and I'm thinking I split early without realizing it.) So if I did that, who's to say I didn't choke on my math final? Blarg.
Hope you're all doing well, lovelies.
Eee, school starts a week from tomorrow. AND THE SCHOOL STILL HASN'T POSTED THE BOOK LIST!!! What the hell is up with that?? Okay, off to snuggle with the boy.
So, I got that mixed cd from my switch witch, and I know this is nothing new, but wouldn't it be neat to have a swap where all the participants made up either one or many cd's equalling the number of participants, and then send one of each off to everyone? Am I explaining that well enough? I know it's been done before, though I can't remember if I saw it on BPAL or not.
In other news: My mother nicked an artery in her leg last night (or so said the EMTs who bandaged it up) when she tripped over her printer table. It was not stitched because her skin is too thin to handle it. She didn't go down to ER last night, though- they told her that nothing more could really be done, and that she wasn't in any danger unless she started bleeding profusely again. So I waited up most of the night to see if we were going to be heading for the ER or not. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep last night. Good prep for school, I suppose.
School starts on monday. I don't have my financial aid money, which means I don't have most of my books. I do have the most important book, however; my math book. I'm pondering dropping the art class and just dealing with math and psych, but that seems lame. I feel like I should be more nervous about school starting.
Still looking for pretty knitting patterns, as always! Also, what are some easy socks to start with? I'll eventually get the right kind of needles and yarn, and ze socks will be mine! Especially the snowflake socks, and the snicket socks. I don't remember where the snicket ones are- magknits, maybe? But, yeah.
For SW help and general fun:
1. What is your favorite season, and why? I love them all, but I really love early winter/late fall, when most of the bugs are dormant because it's so cold, but it's not bitterly cold.
2. What is the most awe-inspiring or beautiful thing you've ever experienced? Being in love. Getting married. My sacred memories, too.
3. Which songs are guaranteed to make you cry? I Hope You Dance. 4am by Our Lady Peace used to do it to me, too, but for a very different reason.
4. Which ones are guaranteed to make you dance around like a giddy idiot? Breathless. Video Killed the Radio Stars. A few others.
5. Which book most changed your life or outlook? The Chronicles of Narnia
6. What was the most awkward time of your life? High school.
7. What do you adore the most in all the world? If you're really asking me what, it's my ever growing freedom from anxiety and depression ruling my life. If you're asking who... My husband, my mother, my cousin, my best friend, my cat, my sister, brothers, their children and my in laws.
8. What irritates you the most? People who drive really slowly when I'm in a hurry.
9. When were you happiest (besides now)? My wedding day.
10. What is the perfect meal for you? So long as it has a good dessert...
11. If you could dress in the clothes of any era, what would you wear? 1930's glam
12. What are your best dreams about? Life
13. What is your best "I was so drunk..." story? My husband's "Donnie's dead!" story- I've never been drunk.
14. What is the story of your first love? The story? Exhiliration, little birdies singing disney songs outside my window every morning, a ray of hope like nothing I'd ever experienced entering my heart, excitement like nothing else, feeling beautiful for the first time in my life, that sense of breathless desperation like, "This is IT. It HAS to be...", being incredibly naive and learning my lesson about trusting something that's too good to be true, becoming cynical and angsty and heartbroken and angry and self destructive only to eventually find my way to my husband, who would have formerly entered the category of "Too good to be true" but really, he's too damn good not to be true. There is no end to the story.
15. What is your favorite painting? It really depends on my mood. I ADORE Renoir- there's something about seeing the pieces in person that changes my whole perspective.
16. Who is your favorite Shakespearian character, and why? I don't know.
17. What is the best concert you've ever attended? I don't like crowds enough to go.
18. What is your favorite indulgence or vice? Indulgence: BPAL. Vice: Sweets.
19. What is your greatest regret (again, "no regrets" doesn't count!)? That I can't say I have no regrets. I would do things differently, given the chance, so it's a good thing I can't.
20. What is your favorite physical aspect of yourself? My hair.
21. What is one very interesting fact about you that hasn't yet been shared? I was in New Orleans just over a week before Katrina hit.
I am actually in a full-blown panic over never finding a bottle of House of Mirrors. Beaver Moon to a lesser degree. This is sort of scary. I think I need some rest. But it's really, really freaking me out. Seriously, though? House of Mirrors seems to have vanished from the swaps. (I know there are a couple there, but what if nobody ever wants to sell it again? )
And it's not like I have any real reason to be afraid I'll never get my hands on either of them ever again. It's irrational. That's how I know it's a panic attack.
I have a math exam and a presentation in speech today, and I am freaked out. And really tired. Mostly freaked out.
I'm going to be so glad when today is over with. SO. GLAD.
After much angst and self-doubt, I dropped precalculus... and I know I could've done it. Maybe that's all I needed, though.
I still feel disappointed in myself.
The former housemate who owes us massive amounts of money just told us that he bought himself a nintendo DS. The hell? That's not the only thing he's bought himself, either. And I know he has a right to do nice things for himself, but it pisses me off that he's letting repaying us slide. Or maybe he's not. Maybe it just seems like it's been a while since he sent anything. He was also a dumbass in a self-destructive mode and went to see this crazy bitch that he swears he's over, but then he's still in love with her, and whatever whatever whatever. Boo-frickin-hoo. I sound insensitive, but it's just ridiculous. He knows better. He needs to focus on himself if he's going to get well anytime soon, and doing shit like that -really- doesn't help. I just keep HOPING that he will get it together, and when he gets self destructive, I get pissed.
Anyway. School. I needed one of my books to arrive in the mail today, and it didn't, and I'm sort of freaked out now. I am in love with linguistics and have found myself fully engrossed in the textbook at times. BUT. It doesn't count as a humanities credit?? Uh, the hell? It's just an elective credit, which I certainly don't need. It is listed as a humanities credit in the catalog, and if I'm not mistaken, they're sort of required to honor that, so I'm going to have a visit with an advisor and mention that. Why would linguistics not count for humanities? That's just insane. Then again, my college also wouldn't count Lord of the Rings as a lit credit. But, whatever. Because I'm so not getting rid of this course. They'd have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. Or something like that. We've spent the first week of Biology covering the chemistry used in biology. I like her well enough. She's married to my favourite instructor, and it's interesting to see her style as well. My lab instructor, though... heh. Is he even old enough to cross the street by himself? Somebody in the class was like, "Should we call you Mr. So-and-so?" I about choked. There's no way I could address that kid that way- to my great relief, he begged us not to. He's nice, but he seriously doesn't look old enough to be out of high school. (I may be exaggerating. I told my husband he was 12, so I am getting a little better.) Anyway, so I think I'll like finally having a lab, but it is on friday, which means I'm driving out there 5 days a week... much, much more gasoline.
Huh. This is a pretty long entry. I'm just really restless. And... I am a bit forlorn with a turn in Kushiel's Dart about 250 pages from the end. For some reason, I just didn't see that coming. I know at some point I said that her writing was a bit pretentious, but I think it's because I had been reading things like Dresden Files and Women of the Otherworld and Weather Wardens. It's just a different genre and a different style of writing. I'm actually quite enthralled by her, and I had to get the second book, as well as the first book of her new series. (I finally nabbed a bunch of used books and made a run to the bookstore. I love that- we came out with 10 books and it worked out to less than one dollar each.)
Okay. I'm going to end this now. I'm so freaking thirsty. Merfolk should not be thirsty.
Not as in "making knots", but as in "not knitting".
Dude, I don't know what I'm doing, but it sure as hell doesn't resemble what she's doing on the knittinghelp site. Also, I've watched her continental casting clip ten thousand times, and I can still only get it started once in twenty-five times. Is there any reason I can't start with a slip knot and a single cast, and then do the rest with her double-casting style thingy?
Also? None of my knitting looks like any of the things she's demonstrated at all. Mine is all wavy and you can sort of see a braided effect if you pull it out really tightly, but then it springs right back into the wavy seam thing. WTF? I'm doing something, and it is making rows and whatnot, but it's nothing like anything I've seen today. Or ever.
I am so sick. Aaand... I'm about to go to school.
I swear, I have the plague. Ugh. And the crazy thing is that my doctor didn't even give me a decongestant- he gave me cough syrup with codeine, which I can't take during the day, because I'm going to be driving to school, and I'm already not feeling good enough to do that.
I know.
I'm going to do the precalc sequence and then statistics. I hate not having calculus done, but I don't see the point in only partially doing it. Plus, it'll allow me to take other classes I want next winter and spring.
I tried a few imps really quickly before I put them up for swap.
De Sade: Unsurprisingly, it's leather. I'd test it on my husband if I thought he'd like it, because it might smell fantastic on him, but he's not into wearing scents. At least not where he can smell them. I tried a smidge of Manhattan on his collarbone, and he hated being able to smell it. Should I try his hands, maybe? Anyway, right. De Sade. Leather. That's about it. I don't like it on me, but I think I'd love it in other blends. I just don't like it by itself and can't see myself ever wanting to wear this blend. For me, it's a 3 of 10. It's that high because I'd love to smell it on my husband, and I think it's a novelty that I really enjoy.
Queen Gertrude: First struck me as really... I dunno. Overwhelmingly floral and perfumey. Once on my skin, however, it takes a turn for the lovely. I'm thinking Illyria might be my category even more than Wanderlust. It softens into this sweet, warm floral that is comforting and light. Very beautiful. I like it more than Shadow Witch Orchid. Odd note: Gennivre smells almost just like this on my skin, except really oddly bitter. Huh. It ranks an 8, but Gennivre ranks a swap, I think.
A dab of French Love: Bright and friendly smelling. It's just got an undertone that I don't like- there's something turning bitter on my skin, like a bad combination of herbs/greens on me. Not my thing. May be worth trying again at a later date, though. 5.
Saint-Germain: The amber REALLY blooms in this one. I'm pondering keeping it, but I'm not sure I like the beginning enough to want to wear it often. Still, the amber is just stunning. I may test this one again.
Pain: I love the mintiness of this. It's actually very pretty, but doesn't strike my fancy at the moment. I don't hate it. 6.
Me= -6lbs
Birthday= ipod knockoff, WoW boardgame (...I don't know), book store gift certificate, a bptp scent locket (!), Singing Moon tee and possibly an Arkham tee... and a membership to a local gym. Henceforth it'll be about $75 a month for both of us, but it's an important investment. (I'm way more excited than I sound, seriously. This is a really spectacular birthday for me.) This year's scent: Morocco, completely by chance. It was just on my desk, and a lovely surprise- the notes shouldn't be pretty on me.
Switch Witchery= The universe hated me (or my switchee) this round. My witch is wonderful, as per usual. Really delightful tea and I ADORE the loose tea filter. It's awesomeness.
Life= Joined a weight loss support type group; TOPS. Personal weigh-ins weekly sans humiliation. You say if you've gained or lost and how much and people applaud or encourage as necessary. Then there's other stuff. It's a bunch of little old ladies with silver hair and good stories. Baby shower for a friend in about an hour.
Out.
Quick post- more to come
51
Alice
Arkham
Bengal
Black Opal
Dorian
Jailbait
Katharina
The Lion
Mouse's Long and Sad Tale
Persephone
Queen of Sheba
Whitechapel
LE:
Asp Viper
Beaver Moon
Boomslang
Et Lux Fuit
Green Tree Viper
Hungry Ghost Moon
Lotus Moon
Pink Moon '05
Punkie Night
Snow-Flakes
Merry Christmas, lovelies! Even if you don't celebrate the actual holiday, I hope the spirit of the season itself brings warmth and love into your lives. You all deserve it.
Take the best care, and I shall write an entry with the scoop on my holiday swag as soon as possible.
Love to you, darlings!
I spent tonight with my husband, cleaning up our kitchen and playing Baldur's Gate and watching the ball drop, and it was fantastic. It's our second New Year together, but our first as husband and wife, obviously, so it was special. I know how lucky I am. It's going to be a great year, even if the going isn't always smooth, because all I see when I think about 2006 are the shining moments, even if I was a basket-case for so much of it. Thus, the good outweighed the bad. By a lot.
Happy New Year everyone!
Oh, and my new watch? Is beautiful. In case I forgot to mention that among the Christmas postings.
It is awesome that the lab is updating like crazy. It means there will be ever so many scents in which to delight, and loads of fun swaps to arrange and hunt for and experience. It is not a bad thing that I can't buy anymore BPAL for several months (er, that might get tossed out.), it just makes life more interesting. I will pay off all debts and focus on school.
The notes don't immediately appeal (pear, blue lotus and crystal musk do strike my fancy, I must admit), so I can certainly afford to miss this one single (er, double) lunacy.
It struck me right through the heart when somebody compared it to the legend of Miskatonic U, though.
Regardless. I do not need any new scents. It'll be more fun when I can more easily afford them anyway. Plus, it'll be neat to read the reviews and stalk the forums for decants.
My internet has been gone for the past week or so! I shall return as soon as the telecommunication gods decide they don't hate me anymore. Thinking of you all, and hoping you're doing well.
I will have a huge update coming when I do get back. (Possibly tomorrow. I'm not holding my breath.)
I'm doing a weekly weigh in, and I'm going to record stuff about it in here.
Loss Today: 4.0lbs
Loss in August: 7.8
Cumulative Loss: 11.8lbs
Long term overall goal: 99.6lbs
Short term overall goal: 35lbs
Updated Long and Short Term goals to address weight lost: 87.8/23.2
So my mom and I are a member of the organization TOPS, which is for weight loss. Since she joined in March of last year, she has lost approximately 130 lbs. There was a regional meet up in October, which my mom attended, because our chapter's leader said she'd entered all our numbers into the contest, and it was likely my mom would gain some recognition. The leader had lied, however, and had not submitted the paperwork. She'd filled it out and brought it with her. Dumbass. But every year, the organization recognizes someone on a national level. Each state crowns a king and/or queen, and then several of them are published in the monthly magazine. Now, the new year is pretty hard to miss. I would think that the paperwork would be well and truly filled out and ready to go by then. No. The woman calls ME to find out if I have my mother's membership information, and crap that she should have already, and I swear that if this woman fucks this up for my mom, I will tell her exactly how I feel about the situation (during a meeting), and then see if anyone else is okay with this turn of events, and then walk out. I'll find another damn chapter to attend. Screw them. And then I'll write a detailed letter to the national organization and hope for the best.
Also, this seemed too petty to start a new topic over, and I'm no longer reading the confessional or the how are you feeling threads. I'm really bummed out about my local used bookstore that I've been going to since they piled everything into one small room. They've expanded, and have recently gotten a lot of new staff members. So I was in there the other day, and I asked one of them about Richelle Mead. I suppose I've been spoiled by the owner, who can cite titles based off a description of a cover, and list authors like woah... and even if she doesn't know, she'll go look herself, and check the computer. Nice things, right? But this woman asked me what genre she was, and I explained that it was paranormal, but it might be paranormal romance and she was like, "Ohhh. Well, I don't really know a lot about that genre, but the name doesn't ring a bell." Chompchompchompthegum. Uh, okay. Thanks for the help. I couldn't find her book anywhere, but that doesn't mean they didn't have it.
That's kinda okay- she might've been really busy with other things or something, but here's what really makes me mad. While I'm looking for Succubus Blues, I overhear her talking to another customer, and she's saying, " ... I don't really read paranormal stuff, but she's really good- I read a little bit of that book and really liked it." That's compelling. So the customer asks if they have it in used, and the woman immediately says, "Oh, no. We NEVER get anything back by her. Everybody loves her." And I'm like, "Bullshit." Seriously. Not aloud, of course. So I walk past the customer and glance over and see that she's looking at a Patricia Briggs book, and I roll my eyes, because my mom is a huuuge fan of that woman and buys the used books all the time. So I take the time to walk the ten feet to the shelf, and sure enough, the book is there, in used. So I go up and ask the customer if she had been looking at Moon Called, and she said she had. So I raise my voice ever so slightly and say, "Well, they've got it in used." So she asks if I'm going to buy it and I'm like, "Nope, please have at it." I get that you might want to be selling new over used, but that shit is only going to piss people off. People like me. The owner, however, will go out of her way to see if they have a used copy of something- I've been at the register, and she's asked me if I want it used and then pulled a used copy for me, because I'll always take used books.
That makes me sad.
Is Chinese musk the same as white musk? I've seen it used several times and wasn't sure. So these are white musks, golden musks, and musks of indeterminate color.
Dragon's Musk (with 5, one is bound to be white!)
Aeval (I didn't like this one the first time, but white musk warrants a re-try)
Black Pearl
Fae
Lampades (sensual musk could be white)
Lurid
Ode on Melancholy
Zephyr
Death on a Pale Horse
The Bow and Crown of Conquest
The Great Sword of War (Yeah, it's red musk, but it sounds so perfect.)
Bluebeard (I'm pretty sure I tried and disliked this one)
Imp (not white musk, but golden musk sounds so lovely!)
Kitsune-tsuki
Kuang Shi
Villain (citrus musk)
Grandmother of Ghosts
Pietho (warm musk probably isn't white, but it sounds pretty)
Queen Mab (Chinese musk)
Thanatopsis (pine, juniper and musk... yeah, those first two scare me. This is way low on my list.)
Cordelia (Chinese musk- this has all my favourite things in it.)
Juliet
Oberon (orchid too!)
Endymion (tried once already)
Psyche
Vicomte de Valmont
Berenice (if I can find some!)
Usher (as above)
Mantis (golden again, but sounds lovely)
Fallen (golden musk)
Aglaea (musk type isn't specified [except 'bright'], but sounds like it could be white)
Euterpe
Urania
Zorya
Bengal (skin musk)
I think that's all, for now!
I have size 15 needles that I was going to knit a scarf with, but I think I'll go back to the size 9 set. I sort of want a pretty scarf that's really easy, but I haven't had luck finding any good patterns. Any thoughts would be welcomed gratefully.
I also want to do a small coinpurse, but I think I may just wing that one.
I think I need circular needles! They seem to be necessary for -everything- cute. Dude! I also need to pick up a tote bag for knitting stuff.
Anxiety is high but I'm doing reasonably well. I found the new address of the site I mentioned last night and I still recognize a lot of names.
Here's the rundown of everything that's been going wrong in my life of late. I'll do a more positive one soon.
-I got violently ill during finals week last quarter.
-I was violently ill the first week of spring break.
-I was PMS'ing, too.
-Surprise visit from my beloved cousin left little time for rest during the second week of spring break.
-Ugliness and misfortune from friend in previous entry.
-School starts. Yoga-ow. Math-ow. Archaeology-YAY. English-....
-Things resolve with friend, who gets kicked out of his apartment due to not paying rent. (This is a long story.) Instead of doing homework, I help him get moved.
-S.O. gets sick.
-Mom may have whooping cough. If she does, I will have to be tested for it as well.
-If mom has whooping cough, she will go straight to the hospital. Scariness.
-I get sick. I miss 3 of the first 8 days of classes. Catching up in math is going to be a bitch.
-Friend gets moved in here.
-English instructor is extremely condescending to me. It makes me sad.
-At the urging of my S.O., I realize that I can't take archaeology. This is heartbreaking news.
-A favourite uncle who has been really sick for a while now goes into renal failure and is on his deathbed.
-Favourite uncle consequently dies.
-I miss the funeral because it is out of town, and I've already missed too much school.
-The death brings up a lot of past issues.
-I'm still sick but attending school. My voice is mostly gone and I feel like shit, but I'm probably not contagious.
-I tell my archaeology instructor in person that I'm dropping his class, and when he gets concerned, I damn near cry, because his class is the only one I enjoy. This causes more concern from him. Luckily (for me) he has a class and can't stay, but reassures me that I'm not giving up and I have to do what's best for me and all the nice things people say.
-I cry. (In my car)
-I cry some more. (At home)
-For whatever reason, math just isn't sticking with me. I suck. I fail the first quiz.
-My first english essay is late.
-I cry some more. (In my car and at home)
-I don't have wedding invitations yet. This is not good.
-.... to be continued.
I'm feeling the weight of depression settling in on me this weekend, and I'm sort of afraid of falling back into that pit of awfulness. But! I got an awesome card from my switch witch, I'm preparing my switchee's package, and I've been trying Penance's tarts (and others) over the past couple of days. I love my tart burner. So! Goodness in my life:
-I'm very, very much in love with someone who is everything I want and need, all in one person, and I'm able to recognize how rare that is to find, and be awed.
-I'm NOT incapacitated by depression/anxiety. I'm in school, I'm doing things on my own- even things I don't particularly want to do, and I'm learning how to live life. I'm making mistakes, but who doesn't?
-There are these bunnies on my campus, which fill me with utter joy to see, and I tend to see them most every day. They are ADORABLE. I'm not in the midst of a huge metropolis or anything, but it's not exactly rural, either, so they're particularly exciting.
-I finally got a tart warmer thingy! And a ton of tea lights, because who knew they burnt out so quickly? But, yeah. So far I've tried a skindazzles Island Paradise one I got from Hawke last SW round (which was subtle and really, really pretty), Creme Brulee from 4 Fat Cats Wax Works (which I really like but the SO hates, sadly.), Peppercorn from 4FCWW which is amazing and lingers like you wouldn't believe, and I'm melting a Jack Frost from Yankee Candles that Hawke also sent me, and I haven't been out to sniff at the room yet, but I will. It smelled grand in the solid, though!
-I'm trying to teach myself to draw. I actually like some of the images I've sketched so far, which is... unusual. I would never describe myself as artistically talented by ANY stretch of the imagination. I started on the drawing kick as almost a joke, sort of inspired by my switchee (I'll explain once the round is over, in case she somehow stumbles across this), and found out that it was really soothing and I liked doing it overall. The SO has been really supportive.
-I'm changing my name! What's more is that I know what I want it to be, finally. I thought I knew, but when it came time to sign paperwork, it felt really awful. I've been trying to settle on something that's agreeable to both myself and the SO and sounds good with his last name, and I FINALLY found the right one. He brought it up, and it had been one I'd been too uncertain about to voice. I'm really excited about the namechange, anyway.
-Earlier this week, when I came home from school and got out of the car, I looked up at the sky and a thousand bits of cotton from cottonwood trees in the area were floating gently in the wind, and with the sun shining through them against the backdrop of a blue sky, they all looked like fairies, and it was breathtaking and I can't do it justice.
-I did really well on my last english essay. I'm getting more comfortable with the format of the class and with the people in the class. It's really more of a political science class, but as long as he is consistent with his course outline, I'll do well in the class.
-I got to hear the father of Fractals speak. (Which is all I'll say on the matter, because that's the most positive thing I can say about the experience, heh.)
-Despite the agony of giving up on Archaeology, I'm really enjoying the break between my classes. I've never done that before. I'm planning on doing it again in the fall.
-My wedding invitations are done! (They're not sent off yet, and they're not what I wanted them to be, but they're done.) This is cause for much rejoicing.
-I've found stuff for the bridesmaids, flower girls, and other people to wear, and my mother found a dress she loves. I'm excited.
-I've made it through half the quarter.
-I got a postcard from my switch witch today!
-Paris was eliminated from American Idol, and while it's sad for her, she's really the only one I felt deserved to go at this stage.
...Yeah, I'm done. Heh.
It was a geography class of some sort. Everything about it was unfamiliar. Faces, carpet, desk, rules. . . Everything. It was painful. I wanted to cry all the time. It was so very hot during the day; unrelenting heat, and so early in the year. Everything was wrong. I dreamed about home everytime I closed my eyes.
A scrap of paper was delivered, and it was a small note; pre-typed and a single word scribbled out: home. I was going to be excused from the rest of my classes because I was going home. Home didn't mean the drab little tent in the RV park where we lived. I was certain to the core that home meant leaving this cruel desert and returning to my beloved desert.
As it turns out, I was right.
I wish I knew what happened to the little girl who lived next "door" to us. She was a sweet kid.
Over the course of one or two months, I lost about 40lbs. There was just no money for food. I had lunch at school. That is a diet I would fall back on several times in my life.
It didn't help.
I left that place, but it never left me.
